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Dear Diary...
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2022-12-15
| Christmas is almost here so everyone is just counting down the days. I enjoy Christmas and I think I really need it this year -to enjoy it, I mean- just like people (myself included) that take a long nap in the middle of the day to forget about the sloppy parts of life for a little while to cope with it. To forget about it. I was a bit nervous about exchanging gifts with my parents and younger brother. It's been a few years now that we started to exchange again and put up the Christmas tree. I had the idea that we draw names and that we'd just focus on one person instead of everyone buying gifts for everyone. I was pretty certain my bank account wouldn't be able to handle it but no one asked me why, so that was a relief. I drew my dad's name and both of his gift requests were very affordable. I went to the store yesterday to get him something else so he'd have something else to open and it was on sale and something I know he would like. So, the presents are all slowly but surely arriving and they are being wrapped by my mother so now our tree isn't empty anymore since we've put it up. I think it lightens the mood. it's also the first Christmas Emmy our Schnauzer will be part of the family and she'll have something under the tree as well. So overall, I think it's safe to say I will survive this holiday season. I was blessed before to financially be able to gift my family more expensive things so I hope that next Christmas I will be in a different position and not worse than I am now. We all switched Cellphone carriers the other day. They were having a promotion that was too good to pass up even though I wasn't complaining about my iPhone 11. Nevertheless, we all got new phones and exchanged our old ones. Mine was perfect so I had no problems. So, I have an iPhone 14 now and I I only had to pay 100 dollars for taxes. F, my fiancé also told me that they gave him a few dates to choose from for our upcoming wedding and I am glad we have options that fit into our general timeline. All he has to do is pick. I'm nervous though because my finances are dwindling and I don't know where I'll be by May-ish if we choose that date. I swear at this point I'm taking it day by day. Sometimes moment by moment. It's so draining feeling like you're mentally stuck and don't know what to do. Sometimes I wish God would beam down and tell me what to do so that I would stop making mistakes. I don't know how sound my judgement is sometimes. I guess that comes with doubting yourself. I AM happy that we have dates to choose from and knowing that I am going to have some real quality time with him as my husband is going to mean a lot to us both. We don't have set plans about what we're going to do with all that quality time but it makes us both happy to know that after so long, we'll finally get to do whatever we want without other people around. I'm ready to be a wife. I am rooting for a better year. I'll be a wife next year and hopefully I will be in a better financial state and just have things fall into place. It feels like I'm always hoping for that and for some reason or another, not everything lines up. Something's always out of place. No matter how much you tuck that little hair back, you know? I suppose I need to let my small victories have their place and enjoy them even if not everything is as I would wish it. If God has a plan, I hope it is revealed because I am ready for some miracles both personal and professional and whatever life has in between for me. I want to look back at this entry and tell myself that I made it out and that I'm okay and that my husband is sitting next to me in our little charming place.
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Past Confessions:
| I’m just good at pretending. - 2023-05-15 To all the boys I've liked before. - 2023-05-14 Never a Daddy's Girl. - 2023-04-04 Choices. - 2023-01-07 I learned the truth at 35. - 2022-12-23 |