The show must go on.
I have no motivation to carry out finishing getting ready. I feel ugly today. Insecure. Sad. But i am fairly good at pretending. Nothing is going right but i have to watch things go right for other people. Go figure.
I woke up at 5 this morning with a headache. It must be the altitude which i am not used to. You can see a good deal of the city from the window of this Air B&B. I closed my eyes again and it was 9 by the time i had enough of this bed. My head ache did not go away but it's less annoying now.
I just want to go home.
I wish i had lied about not being able to go on this trip but its too late now. I might as well carry on.
I wonder when people will truly be there for me because i really really need that right now.
I am fading in the background while my boyfriend spent the night drinking beer, depressed and wanting to see me.
I don’t know how i will muster up the courage to look at myself in the mirror and finish getting ready when i feel so disgusting. I could cry... but the show must go on.

prev / next
posted on 2021-01-02 @ 11:17 a.m.