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Dear Diary...
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2023-05-15
| Some people really know how to darken the mood. You can’t be completely happy because someone’s always got to shit on your happiness. I’m already worried, already stressing, already wondering how i’m going to do this, figure out all the stuff i got to do after i come home. I’ve been crying and stewing and worrying for a long time now but i don’t tell people. I don’t announce it and i don’t wear my worries on my face. I try to focus on the happiness i DO feel. Seeing my fiancé, hugging him, marrying him, living with him for a month. I want to give myself into that happy part and enjoy it because i deserve it but i feel like when a person comes along and just HAS to remind you of what you don’t have figured out yet, those are the worst kind of people. I’m grown. Those things have been on my mind for a long time. I’m not at peace, i’m just good at pretending. I don’t know how else to deal with this other than to block it until i have to come face to face with it. I’m tired of dealing with disappointment. Nothing ever comes easy for me. It’s always a struggle so i give up for a while to recuperate from the heartache. I feel like no one understands me and they wouldn’t if i said how i really felt.
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Past Confessions:
| any way you look at it, I'm losing. - 2023-08-29 Not so deep down. - 2023-08-21 Depressed, but still functioning. - 2023-08-13 A God of Silence. - 2023-07-11 The someday dress anecdote - 2023-05-21 |