I know i need to stop because what's done is done and there's no turning back so I'm aware that even if i hate how this happened, i can't go on bringing it up all the time when i miss him and i wish he was here. I think that's when i bring it up the most but it's also a way for me to vent it out of my system and make myself feel like I'm not hoarding my feelings. It sucks and it hurts and i don't think i will feel any better about it. The only solutions are to accept that it's happening and keep calm.

I know there will be moments from now until he's back here where i will feel like placing blame for the amount of time it will take for him to be here again but i don't do it out of spite...
I just miss him so much and the sadness i feel from not having him here plus all of the stress from not knowing if my folks will ever accept us being together is not for the faint of heart.
I'm trying to keep positive and not think about the time it's going to take for things to settle into a good place and space.

I don't know how I'm going to make it until next August... assuming nothing else goes wrong and he can make it that month.

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