I always knew i didn't belong here. There was always a part of me that ached to be somewhere else. I didn't know where exactly, but i knew there was something out there waiting for me to get to it. It's overwhelming when in your heart you know that there is better, but you doubt it because what if you're wrong? Maybe i was wrong...
Or maybe i wasn't. Maybe all those times that i felt like running were not out of loneliness or boredom. Maybe something bigger was calling me and i hadn't realized it yet.

The last thing i want to do is fail but if i don't try, i won't give myself the chance to find out. I researched some schools months ago after Daniel told me i should go into Translation/Interpretation. I doubted him at first. I didn't really take his words into account. I thought that it was all too big for me. I don't remember where some of the locations are but i knew that if i wanted to get into a good school, that it would have to the right one for my area of study. It also meant that i would have to move out of state. I didn't mention any of this to my folks. I kept it to myself but when i had the conversation with my dad, i went ahead and told him.

He said what all fathers say: "Aren't there schools here?"

My response back to him was simple. "i could try and could look but at the end of the day, aside from wanting to do something with my life, i desperately needed my independence. There was going to come a day where i would have to figure out on my own how to get by and being here, i wasn't going to find it. There was always that feeling inside that kept gnawing. Sometimes i wanted to listen to it and other times i'd suppress but it would never go away. I'm capable of so much but the dynamics of my family would never allow stretching room to expand, grow and move.

Texas has been my bubble for my 25 years of existence. So, i told my father "What if i have to leave the state to get my degree? I'm willing to do that if this is what God truly wants from me and i know i'll be okay. It's not even just about leaving or the fear that you and mom have that i will go off and do 'bad things'. It's about gaining so much more than that"

If it comes down to me leaving, i'll have to take that step regardless of how frightening it might be. Fear has held me back from doing so much and i don't want to be like this for the rest of my life.
"We will all take that first step. We will see and if you say to me 'Dad, thsi is what i want to do' We will all support you and help you and be there for you."
Sometimes the best thing your family can do for you is let you go. I think he realized that he can't keep me nor do i think he wants to. I need to realize that i can do anything i want and thrive the whole way. I am not too insignificant or too small. Good things can happen to me. I've had such a problem believing it. I got in my own way mentally and physically.

The best thing for me is to be on my own. I need to prove it not only to my family, but to myself.

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