Mooch and Earl Sunflower Style

Dignity Lost.

It's amazing how much dignity we lose when we fall in love with someone, especially when they're no good for you. We sat there in the last room of the house -it felt slightly claustrophobic- but very appropriate for the privacy she needed to give me an update. So today, we were only mere minutes from Kaplan University. He was there, she suggested we go. I wasn't so sure about going, not because i wasn't up for some action but i just thought she had humiliated herself enough by going to his house the day before. She wasn't the same girl that at 17 said she would never let a guy make her do such crazy things. I actually believed her at the time. He never deserved her. She was just too good for him. Men only go out of their way for you when they want something from you -mostly the ones with some hidden motive- either that or they want to have the satisfaction of knowing they've got the upper hand in the relationship. He gave himself the luxury of completely ignoring her and throwing everything they ever had out the window. It made me sad to watch her. I fiddled with my bag while i listened to her almost cry.
So, we ended up going to the University and my brother came along. The parking lot was small and there weren't that many cars around so spotting his car would be fairly easy. She drove around the lot and didn't see it. We ignored the fact that he could of been parked out at the other lot but we didn't go in, we left after about 10 minutes. It still hadn't sunk in that we were there, that she had just lost herself and was doing things like this over someone who wasn't worth the effort. She had written him something i had told her earlier. I said something along the lies of: "It doesn't hurt me that you might not love me anymore because sometimes love just fades. What hurts me is all the things that could of been and could of happened between us. If only you would of done things diffrent, who knows what amazing things we could of done together"
And i think at that moment when those words came out of my mouth, she almost lit up and said i should hurry up and write it down. I did, and she re-wrote it in her own writing. She wanted to go to Kaplan and leave the note in his car. Apparently, there was a part of his window that was broken and she wanted to stick the note in it. I wasn't sure if he'd think of her as some crazy psycho. I had mixed feelings about this. She seemed set on going and i had never before found myself in a situation where i had to go just for the sake of supporting her. I felt like i should at least do that for her. Even if she wasn't aware of it, I sort of knew what it was like to do things you'd never think to do just because you love someone so much that you don't want to lose them.
Because we couldn't find his car, she shrugged and ripped the paper with the words i had said to her.
He knows he's got the upper hand and that's kind of what sickens me. Love should never make you feel like either person has some control, even some emotional one. That's not the kind of love anyone wants. Why must there really be one person that feels like they're losing something? I wish love was equal, i wish it wasn't as selfish as it has been.
I don't think i would of done the things she's done, even if was just for the purpose of getting some answers from his part. It's called Dignity. Something she lost. Something she's aware that she no longer has. Dignity is exactly the thing that keeps a person sane. Sometimes you have to know when to just freaking let go of certain people even if you don't want to. That's Life.
He ended up calling her, said something mean to her about not ever talking to her again.

You know the funny thing?

She never did anything. Out of the blue the other day, he just decided to be weird, not call her back and avoid her after he had promised her he would make things better for their relationship.

Boy, oh Boy.

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posted on 2011-06-01 @ 12:09 a.m.