Mooch and Earl Sunflower Style

death and annoyance.

People's emotions are hanging by a thread right now. My family is waiting for my great grandmother to take her last breath. I know she won't last long and my grandfather isn't well. His mother is dying.
Jay and i were supposed to go see a movie together but it isn't happening.
I had to cancel. We will most likely leave tomorrow (if they call) and if not, then i'll just have to go out with Jay another time.
It was meant not to happen.
And anyway, it felt a little wrong. I don't know why. We were still deciding whether or not to go Dutch. I think he was a little hopeful that we'd call it an actual date but i told him that i wanted to take things slow. I may have known him since the 5th grade but when he changed schools in 8th grade, never saw him again so it'll be like i'm getting to know him.
He said he'd pay for everything if it was a date but that he didn't have a problem with doing so if it wasn't labeled a date. I don't want to label things so quickly and right now, in spite of wanting to give myself a shot with someone that isn't 700 miles away, i kept shutting my eyes and wanting Daniel to be here so badly. The only thing i was ever sure about was how much i loved him even if everything else in my life was an endless fog.
I don't know what's wrong with me...
Maybe i have no bussiness doing this when my heart and soul are still linked to him.
I was getting annoyed that Jay couldn't seem to decide if we should go dutch. I wanted this outing to be casual. I mean, how hard is it to decide. Either you pay or i pay for my own stuff. I had no problem with either but he just kept jerking the issue around and never settling. Maybe it's not a good thing that i get annoyed with him and even that Shakespeare crap he does...and the whole looking at Alien pictures on the internet. Seriously...who believes in that shit?
Anyway, all i can trully think about now is my mother, my grandfather, and His mother (my great grandmother) and how her death will affect this family.
It hasn't sunk in yet but it will once im in Mexico. Daniela wants me there with her and if mom decides we are leaving tomorrow, i'm as good as gone.

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posted on 2011-01-13 @ 9:52 p.m.