Mooch and Earl Sunflower Style

sometimes, life's a bitch.

I feel well today. I have some peace inside-which is amazing. That was always my ultimate goal you know, to have inner peace and not let things get to me. I don't like things getting to me, because i either get really angry and cry or i get really sad and cry. None of those are great combinations.
My mother kept busy while i sat at the breakfast table. She told me stories about when i was born and a little thereafter. She said i was always calm, never fussy and that dad and her used to take me to the movies all the time. She said i was increadibly tiny and that even the diapers for pre-mature babies were big on me. She said that i wanted to cling to life and that she'd always check to make sure i was breathing. I say this because i have a picture of me as a baby with mum who was probably 17 at the time and dad at one of those boothes where you take the pictures and my dad was kissing the top of my head. I thought that was sweet and i keep that photo in my wallet.

***I've been talking to Jennelle via text and email to try and get get to come here for my brother's prom. She's in California and probably the most gorgeous girl i've ever seen. I've been trying to figure out when his prom is so she can spend a good week here. She's excited and we'll even pay for her flight if we get it early enough, it might not even be that expensive. I'll probably end up paying for it but i don't mind. I want my brother to have the best prom date and Jenn is the best. I called the school since my dumb little brother doesn't even know when his own prom is and i even explained to the woman on the phone that i wanted to suprise him and raise no suspicions. She said she'd call me back to let me know. It's funny, how i'm willing to go to extra lengths for my brother when he barely does anything for me. I guess, it's not like i want him to do things for me to the same extent, but something little, something to show he cares might be cool once in awhile. I always feel so unappreciated, i feel like i always give and get nothing in return from some people.
I always thought you recieved in the measure you gave, you know, like life has a way of rewarding you for things that are unselfish but i've come to find that it's not exactly true. Sometimes, life's a bitch and there's nothing you can do about it.
I'm not really whining, but it would be nice to be granted something...something awsome that i'd think about and say "Oh, my God...this is amazing! Life's paying me back.."

I'm not sure if that will ever happen.
I'm still waiting for amazing.
Maybe i should stop?....

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posted on 2010-02-17 @ 2:24 p.m.