Uh, no.

He asked me first of all if i knew it, and i did. It's a very sweet movie with John Cusack which i adore. It's probably one of my favorites because it's very simple and charming and John Cusack was attractive to me.

Gil preceeded to tell me that he had alot in common with him because he wanted to get the girl and was very persistent on it.
I've seen the movie a few times, and knowing fully well that Gil was not like Lloyd at all.
Sure, he wanted to get the girl, he took the chance but there was already something charming about his character. He had this funny way of drawing people in with his quarky-lovable witty remarks.

Gil is not witty. Gil is not charming. Gil is just...well, Gil.

Besides all that, Lloyd is fiction. a character. Gil has a tendency of modeling himself through characters in movies which really only add to his delusion.
His temper flares and previously before i had mentioned to a friend how much Gil scared me in some ways and how he mirrored all the same traits that the serial killers of the 70's and 80's behaved. I always figured he had tendencies like that. At the same time, i always had a pull towards helping him and if i at any point have the power to stop a potential psychotic, i'm going to do it.

He confessed that during the holidays, he was talking to a girl he knew in high school. Somehow, they reconnected and chatted ocassionally online and on the phone. Now, this kid has a short fuse and anything you say might make him snap. She must of said something wrong because he was already having one of his 'i'm a dying breed-and there's no hope for me' kind of days and in short, he threatened her.

It took him about 10-15 minutes to tell me what he said to her. He said: "I'm going to go to your house and slit your throat and beat up your family..."

The girl freaked out and called the cops. They came looking for Gil and arrested him. Yup, they threw him in jail. He says it was a horrific experience.

I speak to him but not as often. When i do, i usually spend the entire time scolding him because apparently, his own family could care less what he does anymore. He still scares me, but i feel like this kid needs more guidance now before he goes and does something he'll really regret. He also informed me that since his last girlfriend broke up with him, he's been awake at night, an insomniac and cannot really function which i find to be too much and completely co-dependant. I mean, i know about love and the feelings it produces but he's to the point where his whole world is slowly collapsing and it infuriates me that he gives someone that much of an importance and that alone makes him do idiotic things. He says he wants to move on from it and yet, each relationship experience he encounters leads him to the hospital, jail, or a therapist's office. Next stop is going to be death. Turns out, he was out (God knows where) and told me he called the police because he was suicidal and was threatning to do something. The cops showed up and they had him talk to someone.
He's still writing frantically, not really making sense. His writing to me doesn't really qualify as something that a person with actual talent might express through intellectual thought, making sure the words flow correctly. He's spouts words all over the place and pauses 10 diffrent times to take a breath as if he himself wasn't even taking in air as the writing takes place. He's nervous and anxious and can't even hold one topic to save his life. All that seems to inspire him at all is his tragedy, because that's all he ever talks about. He told me was taking a writing class in the Spring. I asked him if he was enrolled yet and he said No. I told him flat out that it wasn't enough to just say 'i'm taking a class' especially if he hasn't set foot in some kind of college. I think his whole concept is 'I can go whenever i want and they'll just let me in' without even realizing that classes fill up and that if you don't sign up in time, you won't get in till next semester. Also, i let him know that it was important to know what kind of class he was even thinking about getting into. Some classes don't let you use free expression. You'd actually have to write about topics your professor might want and not you. If he did get into some class that let him write about whatever he wanted, i'd imagine the shock those people would be in to find out they were in the same room as a suicidal maniac. The cycle will repeat and no one would want to be around someone with that state of mind. He seems set on finding a mate even though he's clearly not stable to even be around himself, much less another human being. When he loses his mind, something snaps and that's where the danger comes in. I know i'd never want to be around him physically and i'm glad im at such a lengthy distance to guide him from afar. Even though i tried my hardest to let him know that as long as he was this way on the inside, that no relationship would last, he will not budge and believes that somewhere out there is someone that's going to accept him just the way he is. He basically wants to be the same way and thinks that some woman out there is going to tolerate his behavior. He wants to let the world know that on the inside is a charming, kind-hearted, faithfull person when in reality all he's shown is a dangerous, depressive, suicidal guy with a great deal of issues that will never be cured unless he has a complete epiphany and decides to change on his own for the better of his life. I wanted to tell him he reminded me not of John Cusack's character but of another character in a movie i saw that had similar paranoia and a dagerous attatchment towards women so much so... that he eventually had hallucinations about them and eventually almost killed a potential relationship partner he was seeing. Sometimes we want to be something or someone so badly that we'll eventually believe that is who we are. I'm not entirely sure that Gil is even among us. In his mind, i think he's in some solitary beach with the woman of his dreams, a breath-taking sunset where problems don't even exist. I hope his state of mind does not lead to his demise...or the demise of someone else.

prev / next