Daniel said that it was lame and wasn't nearly as beautiful as the photos i send him of me. Still, it kind of sucked that he was never satisfied unless i was half-naked. He said i was beautiful and i did love knowing that he thought i was. He always has this way of making me feel so pretty.

On the way home back from Lewisville i was listening to a Journey song and was thinking of him. He said that i listened to those songs because of him and it seemed a little wrong because i've always been a classic rock fiend even before i met him so in all honesty, first and foremost, i listened to all those amazing songs because i love them and because of the fact that i'm in love with him, he comes to mind. Seems logical right? He apologized because he thought i was 'blaming him' by saying so many songs make me think of him and i'm so over hearing him say that.
I feel like he's constantly apologizing for things that don't even need an "im sorry". I don't know if he feels like i'm always mad or sad about our situation but I wasn't any of those things and maybe he has this theory that i can't function without him.
Sometimes i feel like he thinks he's irreplaceable.
He frustrates me alot some days.
Then i ask myself what the hell i'm even still doing all this for. I do wonder if any of this is even worth it. There's this helplessness that i feel for not knowing what to do to please him.

Then he does something sweet, or says something sweet...[just the right thing] and then i get reminded of why i'm still in this.

I love him. I am in love with Daniel and i can't help it. That's why.
Even if he drives me crazy and doesn't call me back or never seems to be satisfied with anything or thinks that everything i do revolves around him.
He left me but i continued to text him. He does that. He stops talking to me out of the blue but when i have something to say, i'll say it till i'm done.
He still has to prove to me that he can be trusted. Otherwise, i don't even know why we're still doing this.

Certain thoughts about him do come into my mind when i'm being very pensive and then i wonder if at times on the slight occassion that i do creep up into his mind that he might just say to hell with everything and just come to see me for the weekend. I wonder if the need for me is so strong that he must think to himself if he's really that stupid not to have come at least once in the past 4 years. Of course, i don't think of myself as such "hot stuff" that i would think of him as being stupid for not coming here but the way he wants me sometimes and expresses it, might make me ponder that thought.

Driving eachother mad-crazy is kind of our thing but i don't want to drive [myself] crazy right now thinking about this, so we'll just have to see what happens. It could be awhile before Daniel and i speak though. That's kind of [his] thing, not mine but as far as i know, your Xbox can't give you an erection.

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