My work schedule the last month has been abismal and almost inhuman and i can't help but get red angry at how some people get way more for working less. it's so noticible that you'd have to be a gutsy person to call them out on their bull.

it's pathetic to think that 2 days out of the week is respectable especially when you've been with then a little over five years. it's called loyalty to a company. sure, it has never been my intention to permenantly stay with them but a person still has bills to pay. i have a car, insurance, gas, cell phone, groceries, and any other miscellaneous stuff i need throughout. do these people know how i get my stuff paid? nah.

they only call you when they need you and if they don't, you might as well be invisible.

I put in an application at a well known company this morning. i did it on a whim and through my phone. it's the first real big company I've ever tried to applied to besides AAFES but even i knew applying at AAFES was a long shot. they threw out my application so fast, i had barely blinked. it's not like i expected Burch to pull some strings to get me there but you always see other people getting jobs for others...

It's always a "somebody who knows somebody" game and sometimes i ask myself: why don't i ever KNOW people who can actually truly help me out and get me inside the door instead of leaving me right outside it? i mean, when i applied to AAFES, i knew it'd be tough to get in so who was i kidding? so when i applied, i might as well have done it on my own and it wouldn't have mattered that i had a friend working there because i was alone.

I know, i gave up on college and there is a part of me that is still so glad i did. i wasn't happy there at all and i was throwing away money and i had no idea what i even wanted to do.I truly hated it. i just went because that's what you're supposed to do.

i was so lost for so long and before i knew it, two years had gone by and i hadn't been able to find any job. when i did, i was relieved and got comfy and five years later, I'm still there only this time I'm trying to push my way out. this job is a starving job. you are not valued. when you quit, you will just be replaced. it doesn't matter that you've been there a few years. when they decide they don't have payroll, your hours get slashed to an embarrassing amount. you tell them you have bills but if it's not directly affecting them, they don't care how you pay your bills. they give all their favorites all the hours and recognition. they don't even offer you health insurance if you are part time because someone must've decided that part timers don't deserve health coverage.

although i know God has been trying to lead me away from there to something better, i let my sense of comfort get the best of me and remained there because it's all I've ever known. even though i am still afraid of the uncertain, i am ready and very excited at the prospect of something new and i just want to be treated like i am valued and what i do or contribute is much more than just my time.

If God wants this for me, i know it will happen and i just can't wait to be able to tell these people that I'm putting in my two weeks.

If i ever make something important out of myself, i know would try to help someone who needed it if it was in my hands. yeah, people say all kinds of things but who of them actually try and get your foot in the door somewhere or put in a good word for you? i always see others doing it. others doing it for others, but you?
when it comes down to you, there's nothing to be done about it.

This new place i applied to really does seem attainable and although I'm trying not to put all my hopes into it, there is a sense of excitement about the possibility. it signifies the potential of new beginnings and it makes me feel that much closer to building a life with my love.

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