I guess it did and as i drove, i kept telling myself that i had to rid my mind of that fantasy i had clung to for so long of him telling me he was in love with me, that things could work- That he WANTED them to.

In my opinion, he never wanted them to. I don't care what he says. This state was never an obstacle. I refused to believe it... and i don't know what it is about him that i can't ever seem to harbor any feelings of hate, anger, resentment. No matter what he did to me, i always cared about him and maybe that was one of the problems. He always thought he had me in the palm of his hand, he'd take me for granted many times and i let him because i was afraid of what life would be like if he wasn't a part of it in some way.

Things could of been so much different if he hadn't been the person he was for that period of time, but 'could of' doesn't exist anymore. I don't know if he'll ever truly understand how much i wanted him to be the one i married. I played it so much in my head over the years but now at this moment, i realize that it was MY dream, and maybe not his. I wanted this so much without a clue what he wanted. He never said what he wanted and in my realization of this, i had to let go of this dream because it was being yanked away from me completely.

It almost feels like everything i put up with was only set up to be lost. There's parts of this that i still think about because i feel like i was robbed of almost an entire decade.... and if i could start over, i would. I don't know what he'd do if he had that chance.

I have a wonderful boyfriend that i DO love. Someone who wants to marry me and make me happy. Someone who knows there will be hard times ahead for us but wants to get through this because he realized how much i was worth and decided he didn't want to risk losing me.

Did i forget to mention he lives in South America? Did i forget to mention he's working his butt off to come to this state and stay with me for a week? Did i forget to mention that he's moving here eventually?

The plane ticket is $1,400.

So don't tell me Texas is an obstacle.

Don't.

I'm sorry i wasn't worth fighting for in your eyes.

I care for you and i always will care for you. There's a space that no one can fill where you should of been.

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