Also,I've been dreaming about D.H. a lot lately. I'm not sure why. I just woke up about a half hour ago. I fell asleep after i got home from work. In my dream I was Skyping with him and when i asked him where he was, he turned on the camera, didn't say anything and showed me the surroundings so i'd know. He was at my paternal grandmother's house sitting on her 70's style couch. I recognized all her furniture, the pictures on the tables and on the wall, including the picture of me when i was about a year old in that yellow dress.

"Why didn't you tell me you were there? I'm not there right now. The last time i went, i was there at grandma's and you weren't but you're there now", i said.

I wasn't upset, but frustrated that we weren't there at the same time or that he didn't tell me he was going.
I can't remember his response to that but he was calm and smiling and telling me not to be upset. He grinned at my griping, which probably meant i was overreacting. That's all i can remember.

The other night i also dreamed that he was taping with a video camera. He was probably around 13 or even 14 and expressed how much he wanted to take off this bandage around his finger. The finger thing was an accident (obviously) then i saw a video of him and some other children playing outside. When i saw him as a little kid, it was a strange, but nice feeling. I recognized him right away, then i said grinning, "Of course it's him... it looks just like him"

That was strange. I've had a couple more dreams in the last few days but they're a blur to me now. When i wake up, his face is still fresh in my mind and when i'm getting up, at first, i can't understand why i'm thinking about him right off the bat, until i recollect my thoughts and realize how often i've been dreaming about him.

I know, People have this false notion that you have to be thinking about a person constantly or even right before you go to bed and the dream just follows, but that hasn't been my case at all.

In the past, all my dreams about D.H. were always about my constant search for him. He'd be off somewhere in the distance, he'd see me, then run away. He'd say he loved me, he'd hold my hand and touch my skin with his hand, then he'd vanish away and i'd stay behind crying because i didn't know why if he claimed to love me, he was 'walking away' even in dreams. Those were so unpleasant. In my dreams now, he is planted in my life. My surroundings. He knows the people i know, he talks to them. He talks to me. He's calm, positive... and i'm the nervous wreck.

I don't understand any of it. I only know that he's there and his face is the first thing i see when I wake up. Hmmmm....

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