I feel better now thank goodness.

The "friend" that dumped he hasn't gotten back in touch or shown signs of, well...anything. I talked to his best friend and i guess i felt better because he's the closest thing to him. I felt more at ease and felt better about the whole situation. I know sooner or later he'll come to his senses, but i fear that by then there will be more damage. It's not that easy to patch things up. I'm not holding my breath though.

***

Ri hasn't called to make plans with me, but i did see him yesterday for a couple of hours. We talked just as we normally would.Nothing was brought up about us going out or hanging out though. Sometimes he sneaks out of his area and ventures into mine and we talk and when we get approached by people, they see us talking then actually apologize for interrupting our conversation as if they were the ones being rude when we should clearly be working... but it was slow that day and not much to do and i like it when he comes to me and starts talking, otherwise it would be quite boring. Sometimes he strokes his beard when he talks. He gets serious for a minute, then he smiles at whatever i'm talking about if it's funny. I like that. He should smile more often.

He's cute and i enjoy his company, but i don't have the patience for the kind of pace he brings. It's not that i'm IMPATIENT as much as he's just taking way too long for moves that should require way less time to achieve...especially when he should know that he doesn't have to put so much effort into asking me to do something because i'd say yes to any outing he might suggest. He's a cool dude and I understand he's different and wants to do things his way, but i'm not going to sit by the phone wondering when he'll want to hang out. I mean, it shouldn't be that complicated, right?

I talked to one of my confidants and friends Ana and she knows the whole situation and i specifically told her yesterday that i didn't want him to feel obligated to hang out with me just because i told him he was cute. In the physical sense, i strongly believe he's got a type and i don't know if i'm it and even if i wasn't, i don't care. Not that that matters right now anyway but his hesitant behavior isn't helping. I also told her that i would not be offended, heartbroken, or upset if we didn't hang out in the end either.

At the same time, thinking about it... i really don't see me and him in an actual close friendship or anything going past us just hanging out occasionally, seeing each other at work and just having natural chemistry. We definitely have that as two "sort of friends" that happen to think that the other is attractive but maybe that's just it- maybe we just think the other is good looking. nothing else and i guess that's okay. I know i want more than just that feeling...(not necessarily with him though)

There has only been one person i've ever found to be attractive, and sexy but at the same time (knowing this person all the years that i have) i grew to completely fall in love with him...and everything they were inside...the good and the not so good despite the hard situation we found ourselves to be in. It was always deeper than just the attractiveness. I still feel that way now. I cared and still care more about this person than i ever thought i could care about anyone. EVER. and i think i will be in love with this person forever no matter what happens to me. Of that i'm sure.

xoxoxoxoxoxoxo

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