He must have written that poem long before. I guess he just wasn't ready to hand it to me. It probably compares me to a flower. He always said i was beautiful that way. I feel nervous and uneasy to talk to him because i know things have changed wether or not he meant for them to.

He listened to Journey because of me, because he knew how much i loved them. He said that everytime he played their greatest hits CD that i would fill the air.
I completely dislike the idea that he might still be hurting because of me. It's a hurt that i know he will carry for a few solid months because i know him and his moods. He shuts himself off, then swears off love.

Love is kind of complicated that way. Im still not that trusting. There's still this reflex i have of putting my arms up to avoid the cold hard slap. I know that until it is proven to me otherwise, that i will always be kind of misstrusting.

I wanted to reach out and say something but then treating him too much like buddy would seem false when i know it's still bothering me inside.
He didn't want to read the poem aloud on the phone when i asked him to. I really wanted him to because if he came over, it would be 10 times harder for me to say something worthy of how great it was or worse, i'd feel bad for not returning those feelings at all.

The love that has remained in my chest for the last five years will not go away. I don't intend for it to. I just kind of want to know that everything that was fought for up until now is still in tact. I'd just hate to think that i'm still being made a fool of.
I don't deserve that.
I'm still very afraid.

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