Sadness.
Being Lost.
Running.
Me Holding Him. Protecting him.
Looking for him.
Chasing him.

Right now i know i can't possibly expect anything from him. I can't expect a relationship, i can't expect his loyalty and i can't expect the truth. He has a problem with truth. So, i should get used to the idea that Daniel has a long way to go before he can be the person i know he's capable of being.
I want to strongly believe in him, i'm rooting for him and i'm hoping that no matter what happens to us, that he'll be able to let go of all the unstable emotions that have made him change so much. Because he has changed. I've felt him falling.
Right now, i have this unimaginable love for him and i'd actually marry him if he asked me to. This just means that i am so sure of my feelings that i could make a life-time commitment.

I don't want to stop him from doing what he wants, but when someone tells you they love you, you expect them to live up to those words.
He doesn't have to come to Texas either. I'd like him to, I'd love for him to, but there's just people that you wouldn't take risks like that for.
Maybe i'm one of those people.
Maybe i'm too much of a risk or not worth the risk...i'm not sure what i am.
Sometimes i feel like i want to cradle him, protect him, love him.

But i believe i am a good person and i just have to let him figure his feelings out on his own.
I got to let him chose his mate, his girlfriend and if he wanted to be with me, he'd say so & i shouldn't still be wondering 4 years into our friendship why i always end up feeling like i'm not good enough to be his.
I love him very much and loving someone sometimes means you have to let them figure out what they want.

I have to stop, focus and remember that at the end of the day he's still just my friend and that i have no right to yell & scream when he gets a girlfriend. Sometimes i think i forget that.
Even if it Hurts.

I'm not going to hold him back anymore. so i have to suck it up and deal with it. He is free to pursue anyone he wants.

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