I sent everything late in the evening not expecting to hear anything at all for a few days per their own e-mail after submitting— they said they have many, many applications to go through. Against my better judgement, i talked it over with my mother. Maybe i shouldn’t have, but i was hopeful for the first time in a long time and i guess i needed someone else to know so they could cross their fingers for me or pray. I said something along the lines of: “If it’s for me, it’ll happen.” trying to sound casual and not anxious or concerned even though i was, because of how much i needed this in my life.

I woke up the following day to an e-mail:

Thank you for applying for the XYZ role. We really appreciate your interest in joining our company, and we’re pleased that you decided to invest time and effort in applying.

* At this point, i felt a BUT… coming through*

“…We have carefully reviewed a large number of applications; unfortunately, at this time we won't be able to invite you to the next stage of the hiring process. Though your application was impressive, we have decided to move forward with a candidate whose qualifications are better suited to this particular role. Please keep in mind that the XYZ role is very competitive and these decisions are never easy…”

I was definitely suited for this, but maybe they didn’t like my availability since they said they wanted people to work weekends. I made myself available Saturdays but not Sundays for religious reasons. Maybe no real person reviewed my submission and some random computer program did since they have so many applicants. I hate that these companies don't give you feedback-- just some crappy "you were great... BUT" automated e-mail. They don't give you the reason for saying no so you'll know what to work on or do different in case you thought about reapplying. It took a good chunk of courage for me to do this because i don’t get enthusiastic about many companies. I just don't know where the hell to go from here.

I had hoped to end this year with a job offer, but the only thing i’ve been able to count on is steady disappointment.

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