it's hitting me now...

and aside from his actual presence, i know the harder parts are yet to come.

My parents have no idea he wants to buy me an engagement ring. he wants to tell them beforehand and even though i know his plan is to buy it, i have no idea when, where, around whom and in what way he will do it.

i told him not to tell me.

it concerns me that after one and a half years of being together, that him and my dad have never spoken and now some guy wants to propose to his daughter.

I'm a little afraid, I'm not gonna lie but i know this trip is going to drive a ton of changes; there's no way around it.
I just don't want to be caught in the middle of something that could drive a wedge between my family and i if we were to disagree on something.

i want these twenty days to be wonderful and amazing and I'm hoping fabi�n will listen to everything my dad has to say without feeling like he's got to defend himself.

i have no desire to be the uncomfortable spectator between the love of my life and my concerned dad.
i admit, things would be easier if dad didn't have so many expectations about how he wants him to be such a spiritual christian. that in itsself comes differently in each of us and it took [me] a awhile to grow in knowing a loving christ but at the same time, i know where dad is coming from. he's lived life and has been on the other side.
life is hard enough... and without a strong identity with God, it's even harder.

i can relate to both and feeling like I'm the one with the responsibility to guide my own boyfriend to a relationship with Jesus is a tough thing to carry but at the same time, i chose to continue this relationship knowing fabi�n came from a broken childhood that continued on until he was 18. he's made tremendous progress and i shouldn't get too worried or anxious. if God has a purpose, i should let Him carry my worries so he may work on fabi�n's heart.
When he fell in love with me, he knew my faith and my family's belief. he knew my view on things.

i just want to be happy and have him truly know what its like to have a wonderful life believing in God. Not in a fanatic kind of way. i don't like it when others do it to the point of obsesiveness. in this ever growing wicked world, i just want him to know hope and true love.

so here's to a trip full of possibilities.
changes.

...and hopefully a ring on my finger.

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