I can feel happiness and i also realized: If he really wanted to, he could make me so happy. Happier than i could be when i am thinking about him, remembering things that were good between us.... conversations. When he bothered to show me that he cared or called me in the middle of the night to say I love you.

Sometimes i forget about those times because it's been so long since i've felt them again. I don't own that feeling and i haven't for a long time. I don't know what it's like to be told that i am the most beautiful girl in the world to someone or that they want to always have me. I'm not sad, but sometimes i miss being exited about someone loving me. I miss not only being in love (because it's not just about you loving someone...) but also knowing that they are nuts over you too, y'know?

No one else has ever gifted me the privilege of knowing what it's like to love this much but him. It's just kind of too bad that i have to release all of these amazing feelings into thin air.

Yet i am very well versed on what expectations to not ever dare to have, because [some] expectations lead to failure... especially knowing that the odds are not as much in your favor as you would like.

I love him...
and that is the only certainty i have written on this entry.

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