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Dear Diary...
2022-12-03
***Nevertheless is described as a blossoming romance between two classmates, Na-bi, who's pessimistic about love but wants to date and Jae-eon, who enjoys flirting but thinks dating is bothersome.

I love Korean Dramas. I've seen a few now but Nevertheless was a different experience for me. It leaves you hurting and questioning your choices even if you have no way of relating to the experience of Na-bi -the main character. When listening to one of my favorite tracks from the drama ("Heavy Heart" by RIO) and reflecting back on my time watching it, I realized something:

It's 100% possible for a man to be a good person in every other aspect of his personality except when it comes to commitment and relationships. Na-bi's story begins with her being in a relationship with a different man. She discovers him cheating on her and becomes discouraged from dating. She's sitting at a sports bar when a guy named Jae-eon walks up behind her and taps her on the shoulder thinking she's someone else. We discover he's meeting a date but as soon as he meets Na-bi, he begins to have a conversation with her which quickly turns flirtatious.
He becomes even more interested in her when he finds out her name literally means butterfly -something he seems to have a fascination for- and also has a tattoo of a butterfly on the back of his neck. The two seem to run into each other a lot because they go to the same University and hang out with the same group of people. Both seem to be very attracted to one another but keep things friendly amongst their group. Na-bi's classmates casually mention that he's a great guy, that he's always there when you need help but that he flirts with everyone and she should stay away from him before she gets hurt. By this point I'm confused because I don't see any red flags yet. People can be mistaken about someone. it happens all the time. -I guess this is me seeing the best in people without judging them too hard unless shown otherwise-
You could tell Na-bi was taking what her friends were saying into consideration but at the same time, dude was coming around and she couldn't help falling for him. Na-bi is very pretty, smart and kind. Why wouldn't he be interested in her? In spite of what people were saying, these two were progressing and pretty soon, Na-bi the butterfly was caught in this guy's web. He spent all of his time with her in her apartment, they had sex a lot, did a lot of cute couple-ly stuff in her apartment, he made her a hanging butterfly ornament she hung on her window. They never told anyone they were dating because even though he was never clear to her about where they stood, it would seem to anyone with eyes that they had a relationship. Later, you discover the biggest eyeroll of all time: He doesn't like to put labels on things -the classic fire escape excuse of any guy to keep you glued to him without actually making a true commitment to you-
We actually see him flirting with a girl here and there which left me scratching my head because other than this douchey move, I really liked him. And I think that's where most of us fall in the hole for a while and have a hard time getting ourselves out. These type of men who are dependable in every other way but play games in relationships with a woman they know has fallen under for them are the ones you end up having a hard time hating... because why would a person who can be so good at everything else be play with someone's heart under the guise of "I don't want to get attached so I don't label my relationships"

So once Na-bi finds out Jae-eon is flirting with other people and that for some reason keeps a close relationship with an ex-girlfriend who calls and he just runs off to go meet whenever, she cuts things off with him but still sees him at school and around the friends they share.

NOW, Most of us don't have this type of story build-up BUT Na-bi somehow runs into an old childhood friend Hyuk when she goes to visit her aunt and it's clear from the start this man is crushing on Na-bi and his intentions are noble only Na-bi is clearly hurting from what's happened to her with Jae-eon. This story has a a lot of stuff that happens in between that's too long to go into so in trying to keep this as short as possible, I am going to try to stick to the major points. Now we have Jae-eon jealous because someone else is seriously interested in Na-bi. So there we go. The guy who didn't want to put a label on things and was flirting with other people under that freedom from labels was now threatened by someone else winning her over. I always felt like Jae-eon did like her but didn't want to leave the comfort of his behavior and once he saw someone else could swoop in on him, he felt like he could actually lose her.
Na-bi's childhood friend did eventually confess his feelings for her but instead of asking the girl how SHE felt about him or if she was in the right space to even date, he went ahead and decorated a whole cute scene with flowers and asked her to be his girlfriend without actually making sure she felt the same way towards him before making an ass out of himself. My pair of eyes only saw her being nice to him and nothing more and she seemed a little off and cautious in the way only a girl who enjoys the company of a friend but knows deep in herself that he likes her a lot and its only a matter of time before he confesses that love. That's how I felt about my former best guy friend. You could cut that sexual tension radiating from him with a knife and if I ever slightly made a move forward, his mouth would only be a magnet to my lips so I always stayed back because the way he looked at me, all I had to do was say yes.
So, I never understood why she didn't distance herself from him when his intentions were too marked to be mistaken. After his confession, she told him NO and he was heartbroken but told her he would never stop trying. Well, there is only so much trying a person can do when love isn't reciprocated and even though he continued to be there for her, every time Jae-eon would come around or even near, Na-bi was all kinds of Jell-O. Not that I blame her. My guy Jae-eon was so charming and such a good friend, that even I was falling for him. And that's the problem. Charming men have a fantastic way of forever blinding our better judgement and that's why we stay and put up with not using our label-maker at the risk of him going away and taking his charm with him and leaving us feeling so empty. The reality of the situation is, the majority of us don't have a back-up guy. Not all of us have a hometown friend who has fallen for us and will chase us until the end of time to try and win us over from the irresistible guy back in the city that we can't seem to get over. Most of us have to learn how to heal and get over the toxic relationships we create without a second option which means we'll cry a lot and we'll probably have to see that man around and it's going to hurt like hell but we either move on or throw away the label-maker.
After a lot of faraway stares between Jae-eon and Na-bi, her struggles with her major art project that she was dealing with all the while she juggled the possibility of two men and two different futures, she chose the person she wanted to be with. I guess the possibility of losing her was too hurtful for Jae-eon the flirt. He shows up to the Art show all the students at the University were presenting and he tells her the story of when he saw a girl and how It was love at first sight for him and he told himself if he ever saw her again, that he knew it was fate and that he would be with her. It turned out to be Na-bi at her ex-boyfriend's gallery. He had made a sculpture of Nabi that was too intimate and that embarrassed her. So I guess when he mistook Na-bi at the bar for his date, fate stepped in.
So Na-bi chose Jae-eon and there's a scene in which both are walking hand in hand and as she's passing, she notices her childhood friend across the way sitting at some restaurant making a deal for his cooking venture and you can tell she's thinking about how different her life would be if she had chosen him. It's like she considers it for a slight second, then keeps walking. Two random girls are walking in the same direction as Na-bi and Jae-eon and they shamelessly tell him he's cute and ask him for his phone number. He smiles that charming smile of his and tells him he can't. He walks with Na-bi until you only see a shot of them walking hand in hand.
The thing is, she chose who she wanted to. That's one of my biggest take-aways because that's what real life is. Sometimes we choose the person who might not be 100% the most reliable, they might have red flags, they might need to work on things... but that's how women really choose. There's times we jump anyway and there might not be a second option for us... some childhood friend to pick up the pieces for us and we have to learn the hard way. I mean, people DO grow, they change. Maybe it took Jae-eon being threatened by another man for him to realize that he couldn't get away with not committing to a woman and flirt with others. Maybe he needed to face himself and his feelings. Even though she was weak for him, I think she would have moved on from him had they not constantly been in the same university and hung out with the same people. it's much harder to get over someone when there's a constant reminder of them and nevermind seeing him all the time.
In conclusion: Is Jae-eon a toxic relationship? YES, absolutely.
But it took me watching this to understand that you don't necessarily have to be a bad person all around to be a terrible partner for someone. When Na-bi's art project got wrecked after a ceiling fan fell on it in her classroom, Jae-eon genuinely stayed with her for hours to help her build another one from scratch with another assistant. He was a good friend but just didn't want to put labels on a relationship so he could be free to flirt and ask girls if they wanted to see his butterfly sanctuary. I learned how hard it is to let go of someone like that because of the good qualities they DO have. It's hard to process that someone who has them could possibly be a bad choice for a boyfriend when everything else about them is so solid. I never had a second choice. I had to learn to heal myself without someone else to rescue me like Na-bi's childhood friend. It was extremely hard to tell myself that this person was not a good fit for me because he could never give me what I wanted and needed... whether is was the timing or just the feelings. Even if it was an ego thing for him and that's why I was led on for so long that I couldn't let go or I thought my heart would dissipate, its no one else's responsibility to rescue me. It was always my choice to stay even when no promises were made. So, ultimately we have to take responsibility with how much we allow someone else to hurt us and that we can always take that power back any time we want.

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Much Love,

-kenny-loo
Past Confessions:
To all the boys I've liked before. - 2023-05-14
Never a Daddy's Girl. - 2023-04-04
Choices. - 2023-01-07
I learned the truth at 35. - 2022-12-23
Christmas, Marriage and Miracles. - 2022-12-15