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Dear Diary...
2022-07-19
I admit that it takes me a lot longer to find a dress every time i have to go to a wedding or a fancy event that requires me to get out of my leggings and Def Leppard t-shirt. I’m picky and i know that. I know it’s not likely to change once i’m married but this time i don't have to worry about my husband worrying about the stuff i wear. He’s so dangerously casual, i think for future reference, we might just avoid these type of events all together if it means we have to wear tighter clothes.
So whenever i DO find something to wear with little to no stress, it’s magical, really. I tend to procrastinate and leave that until the last possible minute. One of my cousins is getting married in September and i’ve just now started to *seriously* look and i found this dress that is unique to what i typically choose and i saved the link so i wouldn't forget and made a mental note to get my mom’s opinion.

Me: I was thinking something like *this* for J’s wedding. What do you think?
Mom: Too much tulle. It would swallow you. No. I don’t like it.
Me: oh okay *but secretly disappointed because i had already imagined what i’d look like in this peony color*

I trust her judgment but i also know that because of who i am as a person, i will probably struggle till the deadline and this is the reason that i’m not much of a fan of weddings or quinceañeras or vow renewals. This is a THING in my culture but thankfully i’m not in Mexico where there’s always some sort of party at any given time and you don't even have to necessarily be directly related to people to go or be invited by a friend of a friend.
My husband-to-be would probably much rather see me in my Def Leppard t-shirt and boy shorts anyway rather than see me having a crisis over what to wear. In any case, we’re not married yet so he’s not here to witness it but he never fails to give me his opinion when i complain about having a moral obligation to attend a wedding because according to my mother: “You never know when you will need someone’s support down the line.”
And that’s kind of where we differ. I am usually always a giver but i know damn well that not everyone will give you the same effort just because you gave them yours, nor do i expect that from people. If i give you my effort, there’s always a chance that i might get hurt and that’s a risk i have to decide on. I have three pending weddings -not including my own- coming up this year and next and i keep wondering if a day will come when it’ll be socially acceptable to wear my Def Leppard t-shirt to them.

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Much Love,

-kenny-loo
Past Confessions:
the one where I finally have a wedding date. - 2022-11-13
Coming to terms. - 2022-10-06
My favorite things right now. - 2022-08-06
small victories. - 2022-07-28
good father. - 2022-07-24