Where Do I Begin?

A greater purpose.

Just a few hours ago i found out i am going to be losing my job. Four days after getting engaged.
Oh, yes by the way... i am engaged. I am so happy. How can that be? Going from being absolutely thrilled to down in the matter of moments. If it wasn't for my fiancée being here physically with me, i don't know how i would of handled the news. It was raining when i told him and we sat outside in the roof covered back yard on the metal chairs. We listened to the rain while he held me. He’s got a strong grip so he squeezed me tight and kissed my face and told me everything would be alright- that i was intelligent and more than capable of finding something else.
I wasn't exactly worried about that. I know i’ll find something else. The thing is, i really enjoyed my job. The freedom from stress it gave me. I could come home and be absolutely alright. I was always their top employee but with all that, in the end it did not matter. They are replacing us with AI. “The future” which i did not expect to be happening so soon to us. I woke up to find I've lost a job I've enjoyed immensely just shy of five years.
I have savings. A good amount and my family is here, i have my fiancée. We decided to get married in his country. Things are moving forward and i know i have him but still, this is a blow.
They must have known about it for some time -the higher ups, i mean- There is just no way they couldn't have known. You don't decided to do AI from one day to the next. They just chose to blindside us. The ones they always called essential and important. I was sad when i got off the phone with C. She seemed choked up, which got me the same way. There wasn't much to say but apologize and tell me when our last day would be. Our client is terminating the contract we have with ALL sites so about 600 people will be out of a job. This is America. Terminating jobs for people who need to eat and have a place to live. I wonder what kind of America my kids will be living in. Because i want to have children, but i fear the kind of world they would be born into. Aside from tearing up, i did not cry. Maybe its because my fiancée is here cupping my face in his hands and reassuring me but i think i also have peace that God lets things happen for a reason even though we can't understand what that reason is just yet. I can only hope that my next job will bring me even more joy than this one has. I hope that i will have even more satisfaction and more freedom. I hope that whatever comes my way will be even better than what i thought i could possibly have, because i know i can get attached to people and places and things and situations when i get comfortable. I like to grab on to the idea of being happy and making it a reality so it can work for me. I don't want to be unhappy ever again even though situations will come, at the end of the day i want to feel good, not stuck in somewhere i don't want to be. I am not done “being sad” yet but i am thankful for the support and i plan to enjoy every moment with my future husband. In fact, every time he kisses me and tells me i am the best thing in his life, i have no room to be sad or worried. Again, here i lay... happy and sad all at once. I know there is a greater purpose here and i do not know what it is yet, but i’ll find it.
WE will find it.
I am so glad he is here. I think i needed him here. I am thankful for that, at least.

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posted on 2021-05-26 @ 1:04 a.m.