Element of Surprise.
Everything is just about ready, although no matter how much you prepare, you can never know for sure if you've got everything. For the time being at least, i'm off until Thursday. I've just gotten to the point where no matter how early i've gone to bed, waking up for those few precious minutes, well.. it's tough on someone. I'm used to rising a lot earlier now that i have an office job and a steady, non-changing schedule.

Still, there are days now where i just want to stay in bed for a little longer but i am so grateful that i get off at a great time each day that i can avoid all the traffic.
I'm really excited that in just over one month, i will be going to South America... my first trip to a completely different country.
I've bought every one in my boyfriend's family a gift that can fit in my luggage and i did it during the holidays where you can find things at a fantastic price. I'm excited that i think everyone will love what i've got them, including my boyfriend who is a gamer.
He's already got places for our dates picked out which is awesome.
We've been together for years and this trip will be the one where we can spend as much time together as possible, but we also really need to talk about what's next for us and what we're going to do to from here on out.
We both know we want to get married and we would need to in order for him to live with me in Texas. The process is one of the things i am not looking forward to doing however necessary. I have thought about what i want to do in terms of choosing a visa for us to follow through with. I have seen both options but he needs to tie loose ends at home before i can start things... we would need to get married in his country first before i start the process of bringing him over and that is a journey in it'self.
As far as him proposing...
it's just one of those things that i KNOW will happen but the WHEN is something that i still want to keep as genuinely classic as possible. In a relationship like ours where you know you have to get married in order to be living together in the same country, it can really damper the experience you want to have as a woman of your boyfriend proposing to you in a way where you are still able to keep the surprise element. I still want to be surprised as much as possible considering the situation. That's one thing i've asked for from him. It's been a while since then but i hope he remembers.
Do i think he will propose to me on this trip?
The truth is... i don't know...
and i think part of me doesn't want to know because of that "surprise element" but i also don't want to go and assume in the depths of myself that he could and if he doesn't, then be disappointed because then that would mean.. "well, when IS he? it's not like we have time on our side to wait anymore.."
It would involve asking the blessing of my parents and it's been no secret that mine are not exactly fans of everything i've done and of this... Sadly, that's just the way of things and it's taken me a long time to get my boyfriend out of the funk of believing that my parents hate him. They don't... they are just old fashioned and plain can't get the hell over me getting into a relationship with someone so far away. They couldn't get over him kissing me in front of them or holding my hand or me leaning into him when he came. I never brought a guy home as an official boyfriend. Only two came around:

Polanco, who was my best friend in college, was in love with me but i never saw him as anything more than just my friend. There were moments when we stood out talking and leaning against his car where he would get too close to me and i was sure he'd kiss me and if i had let him, i'm sure he would of but it wouldn't have been fair to lead him on when i knew nothing would come of it.
The only other guy was Josh who was too slow and stupid to make a move or take a hint and i got over it and over him. He tried to come around to start something later but again, i think i wasn't really into it. He lived in my town and we went to grade school together and he was cute with a little country boy next door accent.

So here comes my 6 foot Italian-Uruguayan boyfriend and changes everything for my overprotective Mexican family. He comes around and he holds me from behind and he kisses my forehead and wants to give me a ring and people freak out.
There were moments where i thought we would break up, where i felt like we wouldn't make it because my family was impossible to deal with, they made everything 10,000 times much harder than it already was for us and we did come close to really breaking up twice and i didn't know how i would pick up the pieces if that would have happened. We loved each other but that really taught me a lesson. Sometimes your relationships don't suffer because of you or because you don't love each other. They suffer and they end because of the people around you with expectations. They don't want you to stumble or God forbid, fall. They want to look good at the expense of something beautiful ending just because it doesn't fit the mold they are used to seeing.
I don't know how i would have picked myself back up, especially after all the plans and hopes i had put into us. How do you even find someone else that could compare or make you feel this way. Someone that knew from the beginning that he wanted to spend everything he had to make you happy any way he could. The only person who hasn't run away from this, from you. I knew from the time i became of age that anyone who dared to enter into a relationship with me would have to deal with expectations... and that they would have to love me A LOT to put up with it all. It's all with good intentions, but still difficult and i admit that. My family isn't easy to deal with. It's a cultural thing that will never go away. I thank him for putting up with them but i also know what i bring to the table and i think we compliment each other beautifully.
He loves me and i think i'll make a great wife for him when he puts a ring on my finger.

For now, everything in me is ready to embrace him.

One month and four days to go... and the rest of our lives to come.

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posted on 2019-01-27 @ 7:44 p.m.