Believe or not believe.
I don't know, i just wish sometimes that other people gave to me just like i am willing to give back. If anything, it's fine if you aren't willing to believe in what I'm trying to do, but don't knock the entire thing down like it craching down is the inevitable result. "I can't stop you, BUT..."
I hate that so.much.
It annoys me to my core because when someone doesn't care about something that really matters to you, it hurts even if they are just an acquaintance. Imagine being related to that person. It burns you inside because you want them to care... because you need others to believe in what you are doing. Sometimes that's the force that can make or break your spirit to push on those laps of your life. People are selfish and if they don't see a solution right away, it must be a failure.
I don't want those people in my life but when a person like that is half the reason you exist, you don't want to give up trying but also, everything that encompasses who you are, everything that has grown and matured and progressed tells you when exactly you have had enough and that it's okay to take a metaphorical step back frpm them and just jump into the kind of life you want to carve out for yourself and cross your fingers and hope God will break your fall.
If I'm growing, i expect others to but by that logic, I'm just being naive. I can't expect others to abandon their selfishness for me. I have to be the selfish one and be that enough to stop worrying too darn much about who believes Fabi and i will be okay and all the things that we need to do to make it on our own. It shouldn't matter, but i can't help but feel disappointed in people that don't seem to want to have one ounce of courage to let me see this through with faith. People talk about it all the time but when it's time to see it through in their own back yard, all of a sudden it's too far, its too hard, too complicated?
I want you to know that as much as i want to have just a smitch of your optimism, i dont NEED it to push forward. Your IFS and BUTS won't stop a growth that i desire with him. I expected more, but got what i had feared in the back on my mind:
No matter how much someone pretends, their true feelings come to light inevitably along with their excuses when your intention was never to be supportive. If you don't believe in me, fine but don't intend to come along for the ride during our success. If you don't support us during our tough days, i don't want you here for my good ones.

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posted on 2018-10-29 @ 6:46 p.m.