Estela looked at me and asked me how i was doing, how my heart was. i knew what she meant right away.
"The Uruguayan... you all done with him now?"
internally I was like 'what the actual hell?'

I told her NO.

Then... choosing her words carefully, she basically told me i should be obidient to God and do what my parents tell me. and asked if i was prepared to marry someone who wasn't completely surrendered to God. That she didn't want to see me suffer because my husban wasn't a believer.
I was dying inside. on the verge of exploting but i nodded at her and accepted her hug but walked away feeling not at all surprised that she had said that. i knew she and her husband and their whole team ministry felt the same and i know my parents are 100% on board and want me to end my relationship. sad as it is. Of course i want my boyfriend to find God and we have talked about this many times before throughout the course of our 3 and a half year relationship. We will go to church, give tithes, trust in the Lord and raise our kids to servd him as well... i don't want to be a religious fanatic... or be a crazy person. i just want to be a woman of faith and i want my family together.
He has known this since day 1.
But the turmoil that it has caused when things do not have to be this way, is mind boggling. Let me be happy and TRUST my choice even if you don't yet understand it. I'm done trying to please everyone and I'm done sacrificing my happiness to keep other people happy. what about me?
What do they know about God's purpose for my boyfriend? what do they know about what God thinks about my relationship? God isn't doing this. This is simply my own parents saying no because they want to say no. No one has thought about my happiness or the love we feel for each other. Does my boyfriend have things he needs to work on? Heck yes. Is he gonna be perfect. NO. but we will grow and learn together and we will be a team.

I may not get the dream wedding or dress i had always envisioned and know that i DO deserve but things aren't exactly easy for me and that is such a shame. A shame that i might have to get married without any happy blessing from them.
I don't deserve any of this, but i really don't have a choice.
I have to brace myself for what may come and the price i will have to undoubtedly pay for being in love with someone who is not a 'perfect Christian' but instead is a human being who has had it rough and is struggling with faith and not finding acceptance to be my partner in life from two people that should practice mercy and faith. it's a little different when it's happening to you as opposed to seeing happen to someone else, huh?
Everything is always peachy when it's not happening to you but the second it does, what do you do? you say no.

My mind, my heart is made up.
So i need to get ready for more tears.
I'm going to need all the strength i can muster up.
If i want to be happy, it's what i have to do.

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