Mooch and Earl Sunflower Style

the one where waiting is a crazy game.

For my own peace of mind and for some slight praise, i want to say i did make it out of my final work phase. it must of been weeks ago but i just hadn't come here to dump it on. surprisingly, it's been going well. we all keep to ourselves most of the time because we are confined to tall cubicle walls and constantly listening to calls. i haven't made any long term friends there either and i don't think there is an unspoken rule that says you have to make friends every time you start a new job. i mean, it would be nice to because I'm always open to meeting new people but i just haven't found a friend who i can connect with and to be honest, that's perfectly okay with me. i realized, people are always in search of validation. it's that little tick in us that is always looking for approval just to make sure we are correctly doing what we are supposed to to "fit into" this world of "let's not do anything awkward and weird, lest we scare them away" type thing. The typical high school behavior we thought we'd left behind really does follow us into adulthood. Parents back in the day i imagine weren't too concerned with the things modern parents are with now because they were too busy being mature adults working to raise their families to even give a damn about what "parents" today focus on. Parents now crave way too much acceptance from their peers just as much as any zit ridden teenager.
I for one, think it's okay if i don't make a new friend on the job. I still think myself to be a good enough person to be liked but i just don't think the world owes me anything by making me a social superstar and it doesn't mean I've failed... it just means that i don't have to have so many friends to be considered a success.

I'm grateful for moving up and even the 45 minute drive to Las Colinas.

I'm still struggling with the aftermath of what happened this past March but I'm staying silent on the matter and my folks have as well. i decided to let God intervene before i speak up too soon or do something out of spite. I'm still sad. i have my days where i can't take much but it's to be expected. It hurts the most when i see people i know who are so much younger than i become parents, getting married and starting new phases. Then you see where you are emotionally and personally with your own relationship. I'm not saying this because i feel like I'm in some competition and I'm being left behind. I'm saying this because I'm ready to be with the person i love without being blocked from it.
I try not to focus too much on the "unfairness aspect" of it all and attempt to keep hope alive for my own well being and peace of mind. i might not know the day some crack in time will break the spell but each day is one day less i have to deal with the pain and be closer to being happier.
Yes, i admit: waiting is so hard when you have no end date. it could be tomorrow or 5 years from now and the not knowing part is what drives most of us crazy.

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posted on 2016-10-18 @ 9:09 a.m.