the one where things are better but still not great.
Things have been better now. while the situation is the same, i find that the more love my boyfriend and i show towards each other in spite of all this hardship, it really doesn't feel so, so horrible. it reminds me that we can somehow make it if we keep this constant.
Love really does help conquer, and it might take longer but the road there doesn't seem so rough if you are not fighting alone.
I love him oh-so much.
He means the world to me.
After he got to work, i went back to sleep and dreamt that i was arguing with my parents about him again while my boyfriend was in the other room. my parents weren't aware that he was close by and could listen until he came out with a serious look on his face as i motioned for him to sit down but he didn't. he stood there, then clenched his fists and made a scream face like he couldn't take things anymore. he looked so angry and mouthed some horrible curse words at my mother Uruguayan style.
he mouthed them and pointed his finger at her but i understood and yelled at him to stop.
In the dream (in my head) i thought: oh, how are we all ever going to make it through it all after THIS?
I didn't finish the dream because i woke myself up thankful it was a dream even if it was awful.
It all just represents my fear of this and how fabián still feels about my folks. In a big way, i don't blame him for feeling rejected, angry or hurt. As much as i try to have him sympathize with their reasons for what has happened, you can tell it's going to take a lot to find balance again.
This is going to be difficult when fabi and i try and build our life together someday and my parents are around.
Things are going to have to change and i believe my parents will have to apologize for what they caused at some point.

I'm so grateful fabi's mom loves me so much and is willing to always welcome me.
It makes me think at how quickly summer is approaching. it won't be long now. He was supposed to be here... but he won't be and that breaks my heart still.
I wish i could go instead this summer now that he's not coming but my savings won't be enough yet.

there's just not enough good news and that needs to change.

prev / next

posted on 2016-04-14 @ 8:18 p.m.