| does this mean the doubters win? |
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I'm haunted. i know things have changed even though i try to play if off to those around me that everything is fine. Did i mention? No one knows about the misery i was succumbed to that Friday. At least, no one in my family knows... yet. I've kept quiet for now in the hopes that something will click or change in the minds of my folks. I know i must be crazy for that but because i know the severity of the situation, my insides urge for there to be a solution to this whole crap mess. I already know that i will not break things off but that isn't what scares me. What scares me is the aftermath. What scares me is how much worse things could possibly get when my decision is heard and everyone finds out... because they will find out and some of them won't be fans of my folks. I hate that that will happen because it has never been my intention for things to escalate the way that they have. I should not have to sacrifice my own happiness to spare others or to avoid conflict. that wouldn't be fair to fabián and i. We are the most affected by this. It's our life in the balance but all i can think about right now is the amount of discord that will come about because two people fell in love. It's now in my hands to go to Uruguay. he keeps saying he will wait for me now and the pressure has now grown. Not only do i have to deal with my parents and their lack of support, i now have to confront them with my decision to stay with him AND that it is up to me to travel because he isn't welcome. I've been trying to research ways where he could come study here in the U.S. and get his G.E.D. You can take it in Spanish and the great thing is, you are not obligated to take classes. You can take the test and pass it. They don't ask you for previous education, you don't even have to be a legal resident. You have multiple opportunities to take it if you don't pass. once he gets that out of the way, all he has to do is move on from there. No night school in Uruguay. He has a visa to travel here but I'm not sure where he would stay or if they'd allow him to take the GED while he's visiting here. It's times like these where i wish we had help. True help. I just couldn't stop crying in the shower. I felt so lost and weak. it's one of those things where you just ask "what do i do now? who's going to help us?" I know there's ways to help him but i don't have the answers. Neither of us are wealthy. if i had the money, I'd use it to boost us up so we can make things better. i don't have extra cash lying around and neither does he. You want to prove everyone wrong but when you don't have the resources to do that, it's almost like the doubters win. That's an unfair advantage. I try to stay positive but it's hard when there's more stacked against you. I'm so mentally tired. |
| posted on 2016-03-16 @ 10:06 p.m. |
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