I never thought this would happen. i was blindsided... and by the two people i [always] thought wanted my happiness.
I went to the gym that morning like usual but one thing i did different was i didn't run on the treadmill. I walked slowly, then switched over to the bike. Maybe that disturbed something in the universe that disrupted that whole day and contributed to the downfall that followed immediately after. I don't know. I'm still trying to gather what happened, try to understand it but fail to four days later.
I've spent many, many years daydreaming/imagining my wedding dress. Now that I'm old... -er, my taste in things has settled for the most part and i think they will remain that way until i enter the golden girl years that will follow some time down the road.
My Pinterest page for all that wedding-y stuff is filled with ideas of what I'd imagine my wedding will be (assuming i become rich overnight and win the lottery of course) and I've come to the conclusion that i want:1. A backyard wedding with twinkling lights in the night.
2. vintage lace dress with sleeves and a long veil.
3. instead of a boring cake, an assortment of mexican pan dulce with hot cocoa.
4.Italian food for dinner.
5. My bridesmaids could wear whatever they want in whatever color (because I've been a bridesmaid twice with brides that have these crazy expectations that 5 or 6 women will all look good in the same dress and color and noooo, they do not and it all sucks) and i frankly don't want to put any of my friends through that pain.
6. My church wedding would be in a small little chappel with old charm.
7. i would only invite those that truly had an impact on my life, my husband's and a small wedding would be more ideal.
8. My honeymoon would be in Italy.
9.My engagement ring would be rose gold that would compliment my married wife ring... thin and delicate.
Everything crumbled on Friday.
I always had a hard time with love.
Either i was in the corner pining for the guy every prettier than me girl was for as well, or a guy liked me but i never felt the same way back.
As i reached my 20's i thought my love life would get better but when it wouldn't, i contemplated the idea that i might end up alone and that I'd better get myself a pet.
The only good thing about being single was: no prying family, no meddling parents. I'd seen others go through hell from their families and mine was no exception. Latino families are right there with you, always being nosey, always gossiping, always sticking their noses where they don't belong. 2013 comes and i find myself in a relationship with a guy living in South America. i knew off the bat it would be hard but the hardest part (even though long distance IS SUPER HARD) wasn't that. It was my family. more specifically, my born again Christian parents.
It was tough because they wanted (and still want) someone who is also Christian like us. My boyfriend never was or is against anything religious or Godly but also hasn't grown up in a church environment and it has been hard for him to seek a deeper relationship with God.
For some...or most it would be easy to say they'd just walk off and it wouldn't matter what anyone says about the person they love but i care about my family and more than anything, i wanted to have the kind of relationship where my folks loved the guy i was with but, here i am, telling you the opposite. funny thing: they actually like him. he's not a bad guy. he's just not spiritual enough for me and isn't financially stable enough (yet).
So they asked me to break it off. Naturally, because i love my family so much it hurt to the core to hear this. For them to say he's not welcome in our home and that they do not support us is like killing someone. in our culture that means game over. if your family doesn't like the person you're with, forget about it.
Another funny thing: everyone else in my family loves him.
My parents are the ones that don't want us together.
He was set to land here the day of my birthday.
I had to tell him to not buy the ticket. That whole day was spent crying miserably while my mother tried to convince me that i should break it off. She basically implied that i was blinded by him and this was a "capricho" ( I can't think of the english translation for that) and that i was silly for thinking he was the only one in the world for me. if i was 18, I'd probably agree but I'm not. I'm 28. I've been with him for almost 3 years.
I felt like a kid, like my feelings nor his had any validity just because two people have now decided for me that we shouldn't be together... because yeah, apparently people can't ever be stable in life or find God later on in life, right?
because apparently it doesn't matter that two people are completely and genuinely in love. How do you live happily knowing because of the person you love, others are unhappy?
How did things end up this way?
They said it was my mistake, i should have thought about it before getting into this relationship...
but all i remember is being the happiest girl in the world for finding the man i love and three years later I'm still crazy about him.
How can that be a mistake?
I thought this whole forbidden love stuff wasn't a real thing... or at least not anymore, but i guess I'm living it now, and it hurts.
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