Mooch and Earl Sunflower Style

that will alwys be.

I had a dream about him last night. It felt as if though we were both crazy kissing each other and ripping our clothes off. I was startled.
I do not understand him sometimes. He started seeing someone else before i even got with my current boyfriend. He chose someone else over me AGAIN. He's with who he wants to be. I did think that things would be different the last time he came back into my life. He seemes sincere and i guess i wanted to believe it because i wanted this to work but that was just me being naive again.
His happiness is all i have ever wanted this entire time. I assume he wants mine as well. I am confused ebcause he seems slightly disappointed now that we have no chance but we had eight years full of them. He had eight years but there always seemed to be another woman in our way. The truth is he just never loved me. If he had, we would be a couple. It was never really about another woman in our way as much as he was the one who put her there and stopped me and him from happening. I know i am always going to wonder what it would of been like if i had been with him.
Someone once said that it is wrong to believe that there is only ONE right person for us in our entire lifetime. That we are actually compatible with many people. What makes that one person out of the many compatible ones THE right one is how much they fight for that love...for that relationship. I agree.
Our connection was strong. There was attraction. I cared about him and his heart. He mattered -and still does- and i like to believe he cared about me but that block in the road never left.
I am so happy with my boyfriend. i love him. he is crazy about me. he wants to marry me.
Letting someone you loved for almost a decade of your life go is very hard but i had no choice. He was just going to keep choosing other people over me and i couldn't stand anymore heartbreak. I had a right to be happy and my boyfriend is loyal and is completely head over heels in love with me. He cares about making me happy and is excited to spend time with my family. I will never have to wonder with him. I know i will be happy.
I care about Daniel. He is in my heart. That will always be. It will never change but i wanted more out of a man than just someone to fool around with. I wanted a real relationship and someone who could be faithful to me and i have that now. The 'not knowing' is a killer but i was ready to be happy. I think i deserve it.

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posted on 2013-09-05 @ 12:29 p.m.