He'd spend days without a word to me but deep down i knew he'd think about all the stuff i said and the few times he re- surfaced let me speak.

Naturally i never pried. He laughs at love and anything that has significance but even the most tortured soul has some longing for good.

Today he confessed feelings for me, told me not to kill him for for his confession because he has a crush on me.

"I know you have a boyfriend but if it were to not work out, you know my feelings..."

Then he sent me a Winger track.

It's always an uncomfortable/sad feeling when deep down someone like him is looking for something that fits and it isn't you who he will get it from. You feel kind of bad. I've always been a loyal, kind and affectionate person. The only thing i ever wanted was to find ONE person to give everything i had to. I tried that for 8 years already and failed.

For years, I always wanted to be the kind of woman who had everything one man could ever want. I wanted to be that girl a man found beautiful, attractive, sensual, humble, kind, funny, silly, awesome, sensitive, playful, carefree. Someone with a huge heart and a mind that would understand certain things no one else could. The kind of woman -as my friend tony always put it- that could make time stop.

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