Maybe that's just my thing.
Like they are brought to me somehow.
I'm okay with that.

I might of lost Ty and Nick to ridiculous circumstances -and i realize it's still going to take time to get over losing them- but it's okay. It has to be. It doesn't get easier. I will always be upset over it some way or another. There will always be reminders of things we used to laugh about or talk about hidden within that i'll think about from time to time but that's just going to have to be part of life and moving on. I think i'm just horrible at letting go and even worse when i'm the one having such a hard time with it. It feels like other people make the choice so easily but i can't seem to hide it. It's impossible for me to fake like i'm going to be fine in a couple of months when i don't know when i will be. It takes other people a certain time to process rejection and disappointment. It's just funny how things end up. You think people like them will be there for you though important and sad things and then just like that out of the blue they are gone. You lose friends, you make them. I guess i'm never going to get used to the losing part. Some part of me always dies when that happens. I feel like in part, i'm to blame when i think long and hard even though i know that's not the case. I would never do anything to hurt someone i care about. It's usually been the other way around but even when that happens, i'm the one who ends up hurting the most. I know i should be more guarded and safe but i don't know if i'll ever be able to do that. It's like, i always want to lend out my heart and soul for someone and even if i end up crying, i still think it's worth it to go for something. That part of me will never change.

So i guess, i look forward to seeing what becomes of the new friend i've made. Yes, he's a broken soul and somehow i know i've probably just bought myself a ticket to a bumpy ride, but everyone -even broken souls- deserve a chance at tunnel with light at the end of it.

I guess i'll risk it. I've got nothing else to lose.

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