Crowds Between Us.
Last night i had a weird dream that started out being about of my old high school friend Jodi. In the dream, We were both standing in front of a high school setting -apparently ours- but i did not recognize it, nor did it look anything like our real school.

It was prom time and we were both discussing it. She was definitely exited because i was going to lend her my prom dress. She smiled at me and i couldn't help but feel happy that i was making someone else's day.

A few hours later, i was informed that she had died. I can't even put into words what came over me as i felt it happening. 'How can that be? We were just talking earlier! I was going to give her my prom dress!... She... She was happy..."
I was sobbing.
I didn't get a real answer, but from context, it was health related. A seizure or something.
There was an assembly in her honor that day and the auditorium was packed with students. I wouldn't stop crying and thinking about the last time i had spoken to her. I couldn't manage to get myself out of the changing room to go honor her.
When someone finally convinced me to come out, there... in the sea of people coming and going, i saw him.

I saw Harding.

My heart stopped. God he was beautiful, even at a distance. He was around other guys trying to squeeze past everyone else and like in other dreams i've had in the past where he showed up, there was always a large group of people between us. Always. It didn't matter the circumstance of the dream or why those people were there.

If you've ever seen a person you love like that, you'd understand the desperation to get to where they are, to get by all the other bodies piled like soldiers in between you and the other. The closer i got, the more he seemed to slip away unaware that i was there looking at him.

When i finally got my dress -the dress to honor Jodi- i was close to the stage this time. I was getting ready to grab a helper's hand to get up but before i took it, i looked back directly and saw Harding again, this time sitting in his seat and smiling at something his friends were telling him. At that moment, i swallowed hard then produced a smile of my own as i watched him for a few moments... there in the distance as the crowds between us finally simmered down. So i got up on stage... ready to honor Jodi's memory.

As i was waking up and remembering everything, i wondered...

When will we ever get past all the crowds between us?

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posted on 2013-04-07 @ 10:00 a.m.