1. My boobs are still huge. (Well, i see them that way.) Today was a tough freight day so i wore jeans, Chicago band tee, my hair up
-it gets hot back there- but then i decided to wear a sports bra which has a zipper in the front. My biggest fear since having it is that it'll UN-Zip. Well, it happened. It unzipped. Think of it as a vest for your boobs. 'Crrrrap!' i thought. I went to the restroom to fix it. I mean, you push those things in and i feel like all they want to do is come out. I have two other sports bras but they aren't for working out. They hold me in nicely an actually make me look less 'chesty'. Maybe i should stick to wearing those. I was just in constant movement going as fast as i could. We got so slammed today that i actually called for extra help. We can't help what comes in this truck. Sometimes there's too much to handle. I can usually keep up myself but today was just ridiculous.

2. I'm (sometimes) still insecure. Here's the thing...
When i was 16, my family and i went out to eat at a Wendy's. I can't remember what led up to it but my own dad said i was 'Too Fat'. Needless to say, i didn't eat and was hurt to no end by his remark. Yes, i did the following for the wrong reason. I did cry in the privacy of my own bathroom but then preceded to do something about it. I cut out junk food for 6 months and lost weight. I went down to 123 pounds by the time i was a Senior in High school. I did it so my dad would approve of me and he kinda did... he said i was beautiful but i was still hurting and only a few short years out of my 'zit phase' so if you're wondering why i act like a spaz when someone compliments me NOW that i'm 25, it pretty much stems from all the years i got made fun in school. People who met me from the time i was 18 to now don't believe me when i say i was teased a lot but, i was. That's why it's at times still hard for me to believe that someone would think i was beautiful now.

I see myself naked and i think 'No...who would like this?'

Then other times, i feel okay about it.
I don't know why i go back and forth and i don't know why i have this slight fear of rejection. I suppose it's normal... but it just means a whole lot more when it involves someone you love so much and you desperately want them to like you.

Everyone i know says they are very proud of me and what i've done thus far in only 3 months. I know i must of not seemed fat to them but the change is still apparent.

Why can't i get past these leftover insecurities?

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