It's Time.
I should be crashing, i really should but no. I don't know how that's possible seeing as i haven't had any food since yesterday around this time.

This morning was a full one, but i had help, even if i did most of the work. I don't have as much of a heavy work schedule this week, so i think i can finally catch a breath and catch up talking with some friends. I felt like i was always working. I'd come home and i'd be so tired that all i wanted to do was get into bed.

"Hey, ya wanna go to Buffalo Wild Wings?, My treat!", he said... and as much as i wanted to, i didn't want to change clothes and stare at wings, even when they sounded so appealing at the time. I really can't handle so much food anymore. I haven't had anything fried or really all that fatty in more than 2 months -almost three-. So how do i feel? Superb. I didn't think i could ever start getting back this way. My boobs were too big, i didn't like my tummy anymore and i just felt myself getting down to a place -weight wise- that i wasn't comfortable with. I feel leaps better now. I don't mind looking at myself naked... although i've never been that kind of person. It's going to take some time to where i can do that. Stuff's mental and i have to get used to the idea that i'm losing this and i'm gaining more of the person i always was, but never wanted to bring out. A sexy, latina who will get into nice dresses when the time calls for it.

I own a few, not many. That's part of my 'charm'. Heh. I got rid of more clothes that were gathering dust in my closet right after i painted my bedroom and yeah, it left a dent but i didn't wear that stuff anyway. As much as i want to splurge on some band tees, that won't really help me on weekends. I won't have much options and i can't spend most of my life in jeans and baggy shirts, no matter how cool that might seem to me.

The only thing that makes me smile is music, the friends i have and just being comfortable in what i'm wearing. I just don't really require much attention, or any. I'm fine being a hermit sometimes.

I'm trying my hardest to avoid being emotionally selfish. I'm grabbing on to the amount of faith i have and running with it. I close my eyes tight every night before giving in to sleep and ask God to just give me peace, strength, guidance. I want Him to heal ANY kind of hurt i might still be carrying around. That kind of feeling is trash for my heart and i don't want to be the kind of person who couldn't leg go of such pointless emotions. No matter what i might be struggling with still, i want to flipping make it though. If i gotta cry about something, i will. That's healthy. Do that or come here. It does make me feel weightless. Free.

Gotta start believing that i am a true special gal in my own little twisted way. We are allowed to shine.

I hope to get to a point where i will no longer be disappointed in others. I hope to have lovely people i can count on always without hurting.

It's time.

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posted on 2013-03-26 @ 12:45 p.m.