I've repeated the same thing to myself over and over. It doesn't matter how many times i tell him i love him. If he doesn't feel the same way about me, what can i do?

I would do a lot more for him if i felt like he was willing to do the same for me. I really wouldn't mind visiting there. In fact, i prefer it... but i feel like he's not done dating around and that's fine -if that's what he wants to do- but if he does that, i don't see how i fit in the picture. I love him madly and all i want is for him to be happy even if it's not with me. I came to terms with his a long time ago. I came to terms with the fact that if he chooses someone else over me, that i'd have to be at peace with it and root for him and his happiness.

I don't want anyone else BUT him but i also can't force him into anything. I know there must be some part of him that has feelings for me. He wants to take that step towards intimacy with me, as do i. I want that too, but that's not all i want. I'm not asking him to marry me any time soon. I'm not close to ready for that but i'd at least like to know that someday, that could be a possibility. I'm also not forcing him to be in a relationship with me if that's not what he's comfortable doing but i want to know that if i go there, that there's a possibility of one -a strong possibility- How am i going to look my parents in the eye and tell them that i am in love with this guy, then they ask me what he feels for me, then me tell them... "well, no he doesn't feel the same way.." and Christian or not, people need to be on the same page emotionally to even attempt at something. I don't know if he's even on that page with me and even if he's not... that's fine. He doesn't need to be... but i think i'm in that space where i'm more than completely ready to give out my heart to a person who will take it and treat it for all it's worth.

My folks have always told me how much i'm worth... that i deserve something great and i think that sitting there getting whatever feelings happen to be out there for me and thrown my way is too little.

I wish he'd understand how i feel and get my perspective as a woman as to how i feel. I don't know if any man is capable of putting himself in a woman's shoes and understand how important it is for us to feel secure and hope for the possibility that someone will want us long term.

I'm so in love with him.
I wish he understood how much i ache for him to love me even a smidge of the way i love him. It must be nice to know that a person loves you and you never have to wonder how they really feel about you. That you'd know that they wouldn't mind being around you all the time.

I understand what it's like to want someone so much that you can't see yourself with anyone else but your hands are tied when they aren't even close to being on the same level as you. I don't know if he'll ever be. Sometimes it's one of those things that you don't realize until you're way older.

I wonder if someday he'll look back at me and think "Wow, she really loved me...I wish i would of done stuff differently..."

In the end, i can't blame him for not loving me the same. I always felt alone in my feelings anyway. I have so much love still in me. I just wish someone would see it and be on the same page as me.

I wish that were him. I wish he loved me the same, but what can i do?
Can't force feelings.

That's life.

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