However, i've cried what i needed to
(which wasn't as much as i expected) probably because in the end, i knew he wasn't worth crying over. Never met anyone as cowardly as him. Whipped. Stupid. My mentality is still the same when it comes to what i'd like to see happen. I'd like him to get exactly what he deserves. I don't care how un-christian that makes me sound right now.

When i told Jenn the story and showed her the text, she said: "He'll be back..." and she grinned. I'm not too sure about that but thinking about it in my head, i'd really like to laugh if he does.

For the time being, i'm not going to be stupid like him and pretend that he doesn't exist right back. That shit is stupid and doesn't work for the mentality of a 20-something. I'm going to slowly regurgitate him out of me until i no longer think about him, you know... the way i did with Andrew. I'd think about him a lot at first then often, then once a week, once in awhile until he left me completely. Funny how that is. YEARS had to go by before i didn't feel anything but silly memories of how i used to feel... of what i thought was love. We're Facebook friends. Hardly anything about him has changed. He's still a pallet of loud wild colors. The only thing that's different are his tattoos.

I don't know if Tyler and i will ever get to that space eventually once enough time has passed and neither or us gives a fuck about what went on in the past. Personally, by that point he would be nothing but a shameful reminder or what went wrong but what could of resulted so right if he had actually grown some balls. I most likely will not care anymore and he'll be just some random person i knew. We'll be two people that were great friends once but grew apart. It happens all the time anyway, right? He will go right back to being another face in the crowd far, far away.

I'm trying not to harbor any resentment towards him in the long run but right now, that's all i got. Naturally. Somehow my ego got bruised and no person likes being humiliated and kicked out of someone else's life. I would never be so cruel as to just do that to anyone. Ever. I didn't think he had it in him to be so cruel and heartless but the influence of others does something potent.

I'll get to that space where i don't care at all about being angry, sad, disappointed, hurt, nostalgic because i won't care at all about his life or what he does in it.

Oh, well.

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