I barely saw him walk up to me and once i heard his voice in the distance, he sped up and hugged me. He held on tight and said "Oh, i missed you".
I laughed.

I thought we would leave right away but he wanted to stay out there and talk for a while. We did. We talked about me, my dad, God, Our friendship. He held both my hands in his the entire time. He never let go. He hugged me every five minutes then kept apologizing for it. I'd be in mid sentence, then he'd lean in for another hug. That went on for almost an hour. "I'm sorry i keep hugging you, i've just missed you so much...and you know i'm an affectionate person"

I'd look at him, make a scrunchy face then throw my head back and laugh. I told him that it was okay, that i was also very loving and that lately i had been feeling quite lonely. Maybe his presence was just what i needed to build my spirits back up. He would look at me, never taking his eyes off me and some points, i would look down for a few seconds. His gaze was strong. He would lean in so close that i thought he might kiss me.

I would never let that happen. I would never let him think it was okay. I will never ruin this friendship or cross any line. He's one of my best friends and the love i have for him is the same love that i have for Ashley... that unconditional eternal best friends forever kind of love, nothing more. I know i can count on him, tell him anything but i am not in love with him, nor am i going to give him any kind of hope. He's a drifter, he jumps into relationships because he's trying to find the person for him. He's in love with his goals and plans.

"When you're with me..., i said....
I don't want you to think about work, stress, politics, legal matters or anything that might make you suffer. With me, the only thing i want you to think about is how happy you are, our friendship, your family, the little things in life that makes us laugh and dream..."

I wanted him to have peace.

"My goal...with you or anyone else, is to make them feel free, happy, wanted when they are with me.."

We went to go see Jack Reacher. He had his arm around me the entire time. I'm very shifty. I move around a lot. He'd ask me if i was comfortable and i was, but i felt like had to move my leg one way, then another.

"Do you want anything? Popcorn? Candy? Coke?"

I shook my head.

"You are very easy to please, you know that? I'm just not used to that. I'm always used to people asking me for stuff"

-"I told you i was low maintenance"

He leaned on my shoulder at one point then said "I really missed you, did you know that?"

I nodded. He rested his hand on mine and would sometimes smell my hair. He really, really cares about me. There was a huge part of me that wanted to not be so physically close but i also knew where his affection was coming from. He wanted to make up for the fact that he did not come to see me the last time he came to Texas. The amount of respect i have for him is enormous. He just kept laughing and smiling and touching my hair, my skin, hands. He hugged me every chance he could and he would not stop saying how much he wanted to see me and that he was glad to be near me, watching my face light up when i laughed.

During a brief moment when my mind drifted, i wondered how these exact moments would feel if i was with someone i was ACTUALLY in love with.
Would Harding hold my hands, touch my hair and love watching me laugh? Would he lean in and smell my hair? Would he tell me he was glad to be near me?

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