I live with that daily. I don't think about it but then there are those rare moments in which something in me catches it and that feeling sweeps through me like sudden shift in the wind.

I will never be one to ever hold him back.

I will love him as long as i live no matter what he chooses to do. There is nothing that will ever change that. He is the most constant reminder that love is real and that he has engulfed me completely in a way which no one else has ever done. He will always have that power even when i gracefully let go as i watch him wander off with another.

I have seen him choose others over me many times and i'd hang my head in bitter tears of shame and regret. That regret that i couldn't do enough to make him stay or want me more.

It never matters how long time happens. This never dies. It never will and i accept that.

I am aware that i could lose him. The resignation is there even before the act is committed.

I will grow older and perhaps wiser as the years pile on top of me but i will never stop loving him. He might not ever understand how someone could love him this much, but that person exists -It's me. As much as i try to explain the measure of the love i feel, no words could ever fully explain what is buried in my chest.

My heart has healed from all the wounds now. I've forgiven, i've moved past the sadness. I don't have that in me anymore. The only thing that makes me cry sometimes is the fear that i might live the rest of whatever life i have left without him. That fear that the love i have for him will not be realized.

I might not ever know his true feelings for me, but i am so happy that he always knew mine. I am happy that he knew within his own heart how much his existence means to me and what it was like for someone to love him with their entire being... that if he asked me to be his, i would be in a heartbeat... That i'd choose him over anyone and everyone. That's all i could ever really ask for in life. I would die happily knowing he always knew how much he meant to me.

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