I'd pray so hard that it would hurt my head. I wanted to know more than anything if he was meant to be mine.

and if he wasn't, then i would let things go even if it broke my heart.

So much would change in my head if i knew for a fact he loved me. I think that if i knew that, i'd be more inclined to act instead of holding back the way i do.
If i knew i wasn't just an option...
A last resort...
A take- it- cause- it's- there thing.

I'd feel safe.
Confident.
Loved.
Treasured.
Wanted.

I would do whatever he wanted me to do, because i know he'd be willing to do the same for me.

I don't know if i've ever told him that.
I must of told him some variation of that at some point through the years but i guess the confirmation is here now.

That's it.
I'm scared.

This time i wanted/want something different. I want him to show me he's better now. Willing to keep me and treat me like he did when things were new between us.

He still won't add me on Facebook.
Those should be little red flags.

I don't know. I'm glad that i am better, stronger person and that his departures from me due to work, school, laziness or any other factor don't affect me anymore... but i'd still love to know that i matter to him. That he should want to add me on Facebook and Twitter and Last.fm.

It's nice to think about it actually happening.

I love this guy.

I wish i knew he loved me too.


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