I'm not gonna lie; it's exhausting. I AM emotionally exhausted. I didn't think it was going to come to this at all, so you can imagine after everything how discouraged i feel.

A part of me wants it to be over and resolved with one final outcome.
Knowing i've got this on my back when i wake up, i don't know when it's going to end. I am in love with him more than any person could ever know but in the back of my mind, i don't know that he would ever love me on that level. There's always been a question mark around it, like 'has he ever loved me?' or 'could he?'

I might never know the answer. I might be walking off never knowing what his true feelings for me have been because either he never wanted to tell me or i was too afraid to ask.

I don't want him with someone else. ever. Yet that's not very realistic request. A big part of me would die if he ever ended up with someone other than me, but it wasn't like i couldn't have seen it coming. He is who he is and it doesn't matter that i am the one person who has loved him more than any other. That's not enough for some people.

Sometimes i walk along, and i feel so lonely and i still wish he was around for me then i know that it's not happening and i shake it out of myself. Those little tiny moments where your heart tweeks inside and you bite your lip to keep from crying.

How do you come to terms and accept defeat with the one person you've loved more than yourself? How can i live the rest of my life with this feeling wedged in my chest?

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