You know what? I'm proud of myself. Even if i fail miserably at love, at least i try and i am clear in my intentions. Putting yourself out there time and time again is hard and a bit frustrating. You face rejection. You face hearing things that might hurt but it's better to live with the truth because you went for it rather than with a false illusion that will lead to nowhere with zero growth.

If i fail, that's fine. That means i tried for something. I can never look back at this whole journey and regret how much love i felt.

I might be hopeless when it comes to this, but i know how to love someone.

He could never look back at all these years with an excuse at hand. He's always known the extent of my feelings, the strength of them. That is why i am okay and that is why i no longer cry about it. I think i'm all dried out. I used to cry like a five year-old asking myself over and over why things always went wrong, why i would always feel lied to and betrayed but that never helped answer all the doubts i had during the rough times.

If he's okay with letting someone else have what i always offered to him unconditionally on a silver platter, what can i do?

I should stop waiting for him to show up here. He's probably never going to.

I should stop waiting for him to tell me he's in love with me. He probably isn't.

I should stop thinking i might be important to him. Maybe i'm not.

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