Having that 'I just know you'd say yes' feeling.
Knowing you don't have to wait in line behind a sea of bodies because you know where you belong...your rightful place.

He knows that.
I don't have to say it anymore. It's something he will always know.

I know i will always be in love with him. Just like he knows how grand my love for him is, or the way he seems to just know that i'd build my world around his is the same way i know i'd die loving him.

The reality is, i've built up a remarkable shield of serenity... to be able to manage the daily tidbits of life, friends, work, church and even my own time alone just having some kind of faith -however small- in the back of my mind that things have to somehow fall into place at some point. I welcome new things, but in the recesses of my mind and heart, i keep the small nugget of 'what if' alive just in case in some distant place in time he should decide that i am what he wants. I don't wait for it, but some part of me -however foolish- certainly hopes for it even though i don't say it out loud. Those words would be carried away off to God knows where... into the air.

That's just how love works. You love no matter how much you are loved back. There is really no set equal measure. You can't stop it or just wish for it to. Sometimes you're just dealt certain hands that you can't control. Pain is a part of living. I don't live in pain though.

I'll just walk the earth knowing that i loved in the biggest way no matter what the outcome. I can die satisfied that i knew what it was like to be in love, even if i was never loved back.


prev / next