Sandy's oldest son (12 yrs. old) was observing me more than usual. I asked him why. Teasingly he said i had too much make-up on and joining him in his game, i acted surprised and said "Really?" He'd nod and i'd pretend like i was worried.
(In reality, i didn't know if i was wearing too much) but eventually he cracked a smile, said he was kidding and just simply said:

"I was looking at you because you're pretty."

I laughed and then wrapped my arms around him, hugging him then gave him a kiss on the forehead. He's getting so tall. I think he's passed me by an inch or two.
I thought he was done with the compliment, then he added: "Oh, and you look pretty even when you don't wear any make-up"...

I know, i've been told this before, but for some reason, coming from your cousin's 12 year-old son, it seemed... somehow... more legitimate. Kids don't usually lie. I think. And (some) men tell you what you want to hear in an attempt to score sex.

***
Last night i kept having weird dreams
-though none that i can really remember-
but i do remember it being about D.H. and when i woke up, the feeling was still with me. It's amazing how even in dreams, you can sense how enamored you are of someone even if what's going on around you is nothing but an illusion. To this day, i still can't put into words the kind of effect he's had on me. The feeling i STILL get feels remarkably fresh. Yes, there's been lots disappointments, but none so terrible that they've been able to permanently kill my feelings and i don't even know why.

I don't know how good or bad that is. In a way, i've always felt alone with these feelings of mine. I never really felt sure or got that security of feeling completely reciprocated. I keep thinking i'm doing myself some good by exploring elsewhere for the person that could return what i have to give but that's proven itself just as difficult.

So, i don't know exactly what to do. How do you choose left from right when both directions seem to be the wrong way?

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