We do this a lot. Have done it a lot.
Something happens and we're back to being kind of like strangers and i can't figure out why exactly.
I think about him sometimes, wondering how he's doing or if he'll talk to me at some point.
I'd talk to him, but i wouldn't know what to say. 'Hello' perhaps but underneath that, the only thing i would want to say is "Are you okay? Is there anything i can do for you? I'm here you know, i'm always here.."

That side of me won't ever go away. The side that naturally cares about him like i always have. I can't understand the reason behind the moment in which he decides that i am no longer worth talking to. I don't know if he knows it either. He couldn't even explain his others mistakes and i honestly don't know what this is either.

I really am alright, so he shouldn't worry or feel guilty but i do wonder sometimes. It circles around in my mind during moments of thought. He's someone i can't just erase and we just seem to keep falling into this repetitive pattern all the time. This fragment of time in which we're such good friends and then more than friends and then strangers again and he's always the one who stops all communication. I wish i knew what i've done for this to always be the case between us and why things can't be constant.

I do miss him. His friendship. I'm just not sure what is going to become of the whirlwind we've created. There's either going to be a tight, solid bond... or the disintegration of something that was never meant to be. I don't like to force anything on anyone (especially him...) and i'm well aware of what i'm dealing with which hasn't been easy for me. I've shed blood tears for the sake of this romance and all i want to know is if i should throw in the towel and move on for good. I don't want to waste more years on an illusion that i was hellbent on not giving up on just because i thought there was a chance that he could love me.

Maybe the answer lies in what's happening now. If he's out there still searching, it's because he didn't find what he was looking for in me. I'm not it. I'm not that person for him, so... i guess i should move on.

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