Anthony (one of my best friends) called me from New York earlier tonight. You have no idea how wonderful it was to hear from him. It's wonderful to know he hasn't forgotten about me. He laughs about that and tells me that he could never do that, that no one will ever compare to me. That's sweet.
He reassured me that whatever choice i make, that it will be what is best for me...
and you know, i'm calmer now. It wasn't like i was seriously stressed but the thought of going back to school alone is stressful enough for any person. That's why i put it off for so long. When i stopped going to CVC, i couldn't take it anymore. I felt like the entire two and half years that i was there were a blur and a complete waste. All i ever did was cry. I felt so lost, so heartbroken. Depressed. That was one of the saddest times of my life. I remember running into Micheal there one day, he saw me walking with my head down, he came up to me and didn't say anything. He just hugged me for a long while and i cried in his arms. "It's going to be okay", he said. I wasn't sure about any of that, but it felt nice to hug someone who didn't ask me any questions. Sometimes you just need that, no questions asked.

I think we all go through that. We feel lost and feel like we're never going to figure things out completely. It feels like everyone else has their shit together except you. I knew there was going to be a day where i knew what i wanted or have some idea at least and now that i have, it's a bit of a relief mixed in with excitement, fear that i'm going to have to make a decision soon and i don't want to hear what i should be doing, i just want to hear that i'm being supported and rooted for.

I have my reasons for keeping things to myself. Maybe if i keep writing about this to death, i'll finally get the clarity i need.

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