If i saw him again, i know he'd sit there looking at me hurt asking me why i don't have time for him but i wouldn't know what to say. I wouldn't be able to tell him the reason. He wouldn't like what i had to say. I don't want to be around him knowing he still thinks there could be something between us.

He keeps saying "When are you going to let me take you out?"

I don't like this. I don't like that i hurt his feelings because he's a nice person. When i tried having a relationship, he was always doing something else with other girls, dates and such. At the end of the day, i never understood why i was even trying with him if i knew that eventually i would not like him the way i thought i could anyway.
If he was trying to make me jealous with talk of dates, i wasn't feeling any kind of jealousy. I had no room for that sort of thing at the time. My goal last year was just to heal and get through things one day at a time without crying for the person i really WAS in love with.

Even though for a time i DID try with him and another boy, healing myself was top priority. It would of been pretty hard to like someone else when my entire ability to love wasn't with me at all, it was floating around out there somewhere where the guy i loved was. I was drained. Everything still hurt.

Even though i gave up on both of them and i am fully okay again and have been for a good while, i don't want to try again with either of them.

And anyway... if you like a girl and if you want any chance with her, don't tell her about your 'other dates' to make her jealous. It doesn't work. If anything, you're just pushing her away. If you love her, do everything in your damn power to make sure some other guy doesn't get to her. That's how things with me work at least. If you like me, show me, tell me. If you love me, say it. It doesn't have to be ALL the time but it's not even about the fact that we always want to hear it of HAVE to, it's just that sometimes it's really nice to hear... and well, if you do love me, it shouldn't be such a big deal to say so.

So what? You'll be vulnerable for 3 seconds. It's better to say it now, before you say it when it's already too late.


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