I'm happy for them; it's been a long time coming...
However, there are days in which i wish they wouldn't be preachers but regular folks who sit on the pew just like the rest of the world.

Like it or not, i've got equal pressure because i'm the daughter of.
I dislike that.
Because i have long ways to go to even remotely live up to be what they expect of me.
I feel like i have to run a foot race and get to that spiritual standard when in reality (and in all honesty) that is the last thing on my mind.
That's probably why i feel so uneasy and weird when these church mentors come tp visit every few months. I feel like every time they come, they want to hear that i've progressed spiritually when in reality, i have not.
Of course, true spirituality doesn't happen overnight but i am ashamed to say that i haven't exactly been seeking it either.
That is why i wish all these eyes weren't on me and my family judging and feeling like they can say things about how yay or nay we are in the presence of God.
Sometimes i want to move far away so that i can carve my own path and not have to tag along with what both my parents want me to do. I want to be able to choose when and where i will go and how i choose to deal with God. I don't want to follow them just because i'm there even though it seems like i 'have to' because that's what's "expected" of me and my sibling.

I never asked to be the daughter of pastors and i don't want to be a pastor either. And that's just it...
they don't ask you if you want this... they just drag you along like you have no will of your own to say no thanks.

I just hope for the opportunity to move farther away at some point. I don't wish to be someone's shadow trailing behind. I want to be able to stop and tell myself it's okay to take a different route back towards the other way if that's what i want.

Either way, i'm proud of my parents and i admit wholeheartedly that a life without God is useless.

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