It's getting a little old and tired for me and here i am yet again thinking of nothing else but the problem at hand.

Cutting communication like this doesn't help me. Did you get that?
If anything, it makes it worse. Uncertainty paired with it only makes a person paranoid and jump to the conclusion that things are done.

I hate being in these situations but it seems i'm completely destined to live them out like some bad reoccurring dream.

If i let go, it hurts.
If i stay, i risk not knowing how things will turn out (and need i point out that according to History they usually end badly) because Jeez, God forbid things ever turn out well for me.

I am always the one waiting around for people. Waiting around for them to get better or make up their minds about me. How hard is it to know if you want me in your life or not? Why should there be a period or anxiousness in which you get to decide what will happen next?

You see, by the time i am forced to wait, some part of me is already invested so walking away feels like the last resort in an otherwise painful decision.

Maybe i need to surround myself with people that aren't emotional wrecks but like everything that seems to make it's way into my life, certain people/things/situations seem to just follow ME. I care for people, invest my time and love and then come out with a little part of me already dead. I don't know how much hurt my body can take... how much uncertainty. I'm tired of people taking from me. They take everything and want to give nothing. I see other sons of bitches -cruel ones- get dealt a better hand than me. I wish it were that easy for me to be cruel and cold but i don't know that i'll ever be that way no matter how much shit i get. I believe in God and divine justice, yet when i go to church, i don't feel like he gives a damn about me. Not one Bit. It's hard for me to pray and be genuine about it when i feel like He doesn't listen to me anyway. Why bother.

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