Today i am off. I'm using this time to be lazy, watch cartoons and listen to music. I called Ashley for a little bit to rant, because it seems i just can't catch a break with certain people.
I just don't get it.
It feels like no one can ever stay constant in my life.
I just needed to talk to someone and who better than her? She's known me since we were 11 years old. She knows it all. I felt better. I'm aware i did most of the talking because i was getting too carried away and the words just fired out of me like bullets.

I just don't know if it's even possible for me to be happy for long periods of time without feeling like something might ruin it for me.

There's a part of me that refuses to let go and allow this negative aspect take over, but it's hard sometimes when you feel helpless. People hurt me whether they have the intention to or not and there i go crying in the corner because all of this is stronger than me and the emotions take over. It's a cleansing for me but still very unfair.

I just want to sit still and let someone else do the work to get to me, to impress me to make me smile, to comfort me, to make me laugh, to make me take a step back and say 'yes, you are worth my time' because no matter how much time i give to certain people, something...some roadblock is there pushing me back. Why? I don't know and i'm not going to waste time wondering that anymore.

I don't know what it's going to take but i'm not running marathons for people anymore. If they want my time and trust and love, they're going to have to run after me for a change 'cause i am -plain and simply- tired of running for nothing. That's just it.

The Kenet everyone thought they could make a fool of is gone. Pretty words won't make me believe anyone that easily. If people can't tell me less and show me more, i'm not going to waste my time and risk my heart getting broken again.

xoxoxoxoxo.

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